Ben woke up this morning with his first cold. He was coughing and had a river of snot flowing out of his nose. It's only 8:40am and I've already been slimed multiple times.
Being an unsure, new mother of course the first thing I did was consult The Bible - What to Expect the First Year. In it I found the advice you'd expect for treating a cold (use a humidifier to relieve congestion, increase fluids, elevate the baby's head to sleep, etc.) and also an interesting drawing. In it was a serene mother holding a serene baby in her arms. The mother alternately gave the baby saline nose drops and then used an aspirator to suction the mucus. "Okay," I thought, "I can do that." We don't have any saline nose drops, but we do have an aspirator they gave us at the hospital and Ben has ample mucus to suction.
Well, that picture is a lying piece of crap. Perhaps the mother drugged her baby, because that's the only way he'd be serene. A sober baby doesn't take too kindly to having a piece of plastic shoved up his nose. Picture flailing limbs and an attempt to roll off the changing table, followed by some hearty crying. Finally Heath had to assist by holding Ben's head in place. It was like a scene from A Clockwork Orange. I'd like to see a drawing of THAT in What to Expect the First Year.
When I was finally able to get the aspirator into his nose, the dumb thing didn't even work. I suctioned, but nothing came out. And believe me, there was stuff to come out. I tried several times but was ultimately unsuccessful. Maybe I should get the serene mother to come over and do it.