Six months in, I think I've adjusted to motherhood pretty well. But every so often I get hit with a realization about it that just stops me in my tracks. The other day I had the thought, "I am someone's mother."
And right about now YOU'RE thinking, "Yeah, no kidding. Are you hitting the Valium already, Katie?"
But it's not just about giving birth and caring for a baby... It's about all the things attached to the idea of "mother." All the stuff people blame on their mothers, or credit to their mothers. All the stories they tell about how their mothers affected them or warped them or ruined them. It's mind boggling that now I am that person to someone.
I think I was a pretty good kid. I always got up on time, I did my homework without being badgered and for the most part I followed the rules. Even so, I realize now there were things I did and said to my mother that were awful and ungrateful. The thought of Ben doing or saying those things to me, after all I've done and will do for him, breaks my heart. Then I feel even worse because I've probably broken my own mother's heart.
I suppose that's just something you have to live with as a mother, knowing that your kids won't "get it" until they have kids of their own. By then you're probably over it and you can gain satisfaction by wallowing in their guilt and spoiling their children.