Friday, March 20, 2009

Aha moment

Six months in, I think I've adjusted to motherhood pretty well. But every so often I get hit with a realization about it that just stops me in my tracks. The other day I had the thought, "I am someone's mother."

And right about now YOU'RE thinking, "Yeah, no kidding. Are you hitting the Valium already, Katie?"

But it's not just about giving birth and caring for a baby... It's about all the things attached to the idea of "mother." All the stuff people blame on their mothers, or credit to their mothers. All the stories they tell about how their mothers affected them or warped them or ruined them. It's mind boggling that now I am that person to someone.

I think I was a pretty good kid. I always got up on time, I did my homework without being badgered and for the most part I followed the rules. Even so, I realize now there were things I did and said to my mother that were awful and ungrateful. The thought of Ben doing or saying those things to me, after all I've done and will do for him, breaks my heart. Then I feel even worse because I've probably broken my own mother's heart.

I suppose that's just something you have to live with as a mother, knowing that your kids won't "get it" until they have kids of their own. By then you're probably over it and you can gain satisfaction by wallowing in their guilt and spoiling their children.


  1. Katie your thoughts are very advanced. I don't think I really felt this way until I had all my babies. I think the greatest movie I ever saw dealing with this issue of Parenthood when the father is talking to his son (steve martin) and saying you never get to slam the ball down after a are always a parent. You will never lose that label. Wear it with pride You and Heath are doing very well.
    The best to you both.

  2. Nick sent me a link to this blog a couple months ago and it has been an absolute joy to see pictures and hear stories of Ben's adventurous life. It is also amazing to see the amount of love and attention you and Heath give to Ben. It is very apparent that you both love having Ben in your lives. You two are wonderful parents and I think Ben will always know how much you love him.