It gets better

In two short months Sam will be 2 years old. When Ben was turning 2 I was probably scared, because everyone talks about the "terrible twos" so much. This time around, however, instead of being scared, I'm excited because I know we're going to reach two milestones that make life so much easier.

Sometime in probably the next 6-8 months Sam will graduate from his crib to a big boy bed. Ben transitioned when he was 2 1/2, but I'm thinking Sam might go earlier, just because it'll be nice for us. When Sam's ready that means we're breaking out the bunk beds and thus will start the era of Ben and Sam sharing a room. That does make me a little nervous, from the sleeping less perspective, but it means we'll have a free room. We're not sure what we'll do with it yet, but that'll be nice. Also, not having to drag the pack 'n play around when we travel will be AWESOME. I remember Ben went from crib to bed right before a trip to Florida and it was so nice to leave that thing at home.

Then sometime in the next year Sam will be starting potty training. It's by no means a fun experience, but I do remember thinking that it wasn't as bad as I thought it would be with Ben. And I'm hoping that the I-want-to-do-everything-Ben-does thing will work in our favor. Plus, we are definitely doing it before he turns 3. We unknowingly dodged that bullet with Ben, because I think it would've been MUCH harder to potty train him after 3. He got so stubborn that year. It would've been a nightmare. So that'll probably be our spring or summer project next year. Something to look forward to.

So those are the two biggies we have coming up and they mean so much more freedom. Traveling really is the biggest thing that gets easier. And while potty training doesn't mean I get to stop paying attention to Sam's bathroom habits right away - for a while I'll actually be MORE focused on it because I want to avoid accidents - I will get to stop buying diapers and carrying around a diaper bag.

Even little changes are nice, too. Babies and toddlers have very specialized needs and as Sam gets older his needs and Ben's needs can be met together. Like, once Sam turns 2 he and Ben can use the same kind of Tylenol. And by the time Sam's 3 he and Ben will probably use the same toothpaste. Fairly soon Sam will be able to use regular cups and not use sippy cups anymore. I've been able to put the toilet paper back on the rolls, instead of up high out of his reach, because he seems to be past the un-rolling everything phase. He's already attempting to climb into his car seat by himself. All these things add up to not so much work on our part.

Almost a toddler

A few days ago on Facebook I realized that in about six weeks Sam will be 1. It's seems impossible, but it also seems like it took forever. I've been fairly vocal about not loving the baby stage. The first year is just hard. Physically, mentally, emotionally... I've not been at my best this year. Plus, kids get more fun as they get older. As they can walk and talk and play there are so many more things we can do. Right now we basically drag Sam around to things fun for Ben and hope there's something to entertain Sam.

So while it does give me a little twinge of (sob) "My baby's growing up!" I'm pretty much glad to be (almost) done with the first year. I'm hoping Sam starts walking soon. He's gotten quite good at pulling himself up on furniture and he's starting to cruise (which is walking while holding onto something). Even when he does start walking I'll still have to carry him around when we go out, but hopefully I won't have to do it as much around the house. I'm already daydreaming about back pain-free days.

I think, like Ben, Sam might have a bit of his father's evil streak. For about a week and a half he was sleeping past 6:30am. Sometimes he'd even make it past 7! He did it just long enough to get our hopes up and then he decided to crush our spirits. He's started waking up in the middle of the night and not going back down for an hour or more. I think it's separation anxiety with a dash of teething for flavor. A bitter combo. Winter is always worse for sleeping, so I should've expected it, but blah. Blah is what I say to night waking. Because I can't think of anything else on account of being tired.

Four!

Dear Ben,

We survived! I don't think I've said that since your first birthday, but this year has been rough. Before you turned three I got a little warning from some friends with older kids that three was worse than two, and boy were they right! We've been struggling this year, with independence, with wanting more attention than I can give and with the fact that you want to do so many things, but you just can't do them all yet. Hopefully our level of fighting this year isn't reached again, well EVER, but realistically until you're a teenager. It hasn't all been bad, of course, but I'm committed to showing a realistic picture of parenthood, so I'm not going to only sing your praises just because it's your birthday. :)

You had several big life changes this year. Of course, the biggest was Sam being born. It was a little tough on you at first. For the first couple months you were obviously out of sorts, but overall I'm so impressed with the way you welcomed him into our family. You never took your frustration out on the baby, just on us (which is how it should be). And as Sam's gotten older and more interactive you're having more fun with him. One of the best parts of this year has been listening to you boys laugh together. You love to make Sam laugh and he loves watching you. You're so sweet with him, giving him hugs and kisses and mostly sharing your toys. I can see the very beginnings of sibling rivalry, as Sam becomes more mobile, but I think you guys are going to have a lot of fun, too.

Another big event of the year was going binky free. Daddy and I were a little afraid of this milestone, so we pulled out the big guns: bribery. With your remaining binkies you bought a bike and you never looked back. Once again your ability to roll with big changes blew my mind. Which always makes it so odd when you break down over the littlest things, like who went into the house first.

The last big event, which was probably bigger for me than for you, was going nap free. All summer you've been whittling down the number of naps you take per week and at this point you're down to one or two. On days when we have nothing to do it can be a little maddening for me (since you still won't play by yourself for any length of time), but on busy weekends it's actually kind of nice. So, the good with the bad.

You absolutely loved your first year of preschool and Daddy and I are so excited by that. Every single day when I picked you up from school your teacher said, "Ben's had a great day." We never had a bad report about you and your teacher was always telling us you were a good friend and a good leader in class. I'm so proud of you for that.

Your interests continue to run toward building and reading and just running around. You're an odd mix of Daddy and me, but I guess that's what we were going for! Although I complained about it incessantly, I was a little sad when your obsession with trains waned this year. It had been such a huge part of your life for two and a half years, it's hard to believe it's over. For a while we thought a Lego obsession might manifest, and I still think it will, but it might be a little early. Right now your focus has turned to ANGRY BIRDS. Everything you play becomes some version of Angry Birds: someone's a pig, someone's a red bird, something's a stolen egg. You're very imaginative with it and it's fun to watch.

With three behind us I'm starting to see some light at the end of the tunnel. You still throw yourself on the floor in agony every time we tell you to brush your teeth, BUT sometimes when I tell you to get dressed you just... do it. Without a fuss, without a fight. It's amazing. And you're helpful around the house, sometimes without even being asked. Between the tantrums and the deliberate disobedience I can see flashes of you becoming a great kid. And I have hope that there are better years ahead. Maybe even next year!

Happy birthday, Ben. I love you.

Love,
Mommy

Totally negligent mommy

Sam turned 9 months old last week and I totally forgot to post about it. This is why second and middle children are always so f-ed up (I'm picturing Ian frowning). Sam's new stats:

Weight: 22 lbs. 5 oz. - 90th percentile
Height: 29 1/4" - 85th percentile
Head circumference: 46 cm - 75th percentile

Everywhere we go people always comment on how big Sam is... But he's a full pound lighter than Ben was at SIX MONTHS, so he doesn't seem big to me. My back, knees and shoulders beg to differ, but my biceps are awesome.

I've been saying Sam is thisclose to crawling for over a month. I really thought he'd be full-out crawling by now. He does this thing where he's on one knee and his other leg is straight out to the side and he sort of pulls himself for a short distance. It's somewhat crawling in that he's moving himself a little bit, but he's not going any significant distance. Mostly he just ninjas out to get whatever he wants and then goes back to sitting. If he can't reach it that way, it's dead to him.

His "talking" seems to be getting more sophisticated. I can't exactly explain what I mean, except to say that it sounds more like he's really "saying" something. Like what's coming out of his mouth has meaning for him. His curiosity has also exploded. Anything we put in front of him will be subjected to a full examination which includes turning it over, banging it on the table and putting it in his mouth. We're at that stage where, in a restaurant the three feet of table around the baby is empty, except for Cheerio's.

Sam remains a content, cheerful little boy. Even with the 5:30-6:00am wake ups every morning we really can't complain.

I couldn't come up with anything remotely clever pertaining to teeth that I hadn't already used

Sam's first tooth popped through! No photographic evidence yet, as you can barely see it, but it's definitely there. The thing about baby teeth is that they're SHARP. He can't eat Cheerio's yet, but he could slice the flesh right off my finger with no problem.

The thing about teething is that IT SUCKS. Sam hasn't been quite as grumpy as when he was sick, which is good, but he still hasn't been his normal charming self. Charming people don't consistently wake up before 6am. Or, if they do, they don't force you to get up and make them breakfast. They make you breakfast. And bring it to you. At a reasonable hour. My mantra these days is, "It's a phase. It's a phase. It's a phase."

Project Napless update

As you may remember, a few weeks ago I decided to stop making Ben takes naps. It hasn't gone... quite as I planned. After lunch every afternoon we have quiet time and it's Ben's least favorite part of the day. He hates being in his room by himself, so I've been trying to stress that we're both having quiet time and he can have fun in his room for an hour and then I'll come get him. Most days he starts bawling even before I close the door. And then...?

He falls asleep.

He would rather take a nap than be by himself (awake) for an hour. Intellectually I understand it (him being the extrovert), but it still boggles my mind. He doesn't take a nap every day and some days he accepts quiet time more gracefully than others. He's generally been in better spirits since we started this and he's going to bed pretty easily. So maybe he still needs a nap, but only a few times a week.

The nice thing is that now, for me at least, it's a glass half full situation. Before, I expected him to take a nap and when he didn't it ruined my day. Now, I don't expect him to nap, so when he does it's a treat. Win!

Three and binky free

We're finally free. Ben no longer uses a pacifier! It's been long overdue, but the final straw was the dentist. Ben kept accumulating a lot of tartar on his bottom teeth and I think it was from sleeping with the binky. So, since Ben's been expressing interest in a new bike and he's almost outgrown his tricycle, Heath hatched a plan. We decided Ben could pay for a new bike with his binkies. When we broached the idea with him he seemed very receptive. We stressed that the binkies would be gone, but he was very focused on the new bike (which was the idea). I suppose he saw the writing on the wall, since a month or two ago I bought him a book called Pacifiers Aren't Forever. And when we started Project Napless I said if he fell asleep during quiet time that was okay, but he couldn't have binkies.

So Wednesday night we headed out to the local bike shop. Ben took to the two wheeler right away. It had training wheels, so he climbed right up and started riding around the store. He was super excited. The salesman really played along and told Ben the bike cost four binkies. Ben handed them over without a second thought and rode out of the store.

As bedtime approached I could tell he was realizing what he'd done. He didn't mention it specifically, but he got sad and started whining a little bit. But then a miracle occurred: He went right to sleep. No crying, no jumping out of bed, nothing. He did come into our room at 2am, wanting Heath to come sleep with him, but he did that even when he had binkies. Ever since then he's been fine. He's only mentioned the binkies once and he's had no trouble sleeping.

The morale of this story is that kids do things at their own pace. If we'd tried to do this when Ben was one or maybe even two, I think it would've gone much worse. Lots of crying and sleepless nights. But at three and a half he was ready to give up the binky and he just needed a little nudge from us.

And a new bike.

Letting go

I cannot believe I'm going to type this, let alone THINK it, but I'm going to stop making Ben take naps. For three and a half years nap time has been my refuge. The bulk of my time alone and time to relax has been during nap time. But yesterday this happened:

Ben took a long nap - almost three hours. Then he wanted to play pirate, so he donned his pirate gear and hid treasure all over the house. The final step in the process involved me drawing a map of all the places he hid the treasure. First was the refrigerator and when I showed him my drawing he was less than pleased. I'm still not exactly sure what was wrong with it, but even though I tried to explain that I can't draw very well and that was the best I could do, it still turned into a 15 minute crying fit. Because I drew the refrigerator wrong.

That was basically the last straw. I've been noticing that his mood after naps is pretty bad and on the days he doesn't nap he seems fine. It really pains me to give up his naps, but I'd rather have a happy boy than a grumpy boy. I'm afraid it's going to lead to an even grumpier Mommy, but I have the beginnings of a plan. First off is Quiet Time. He'll still have it for an hour every afternoon, to conveniently coincide with Sam's afternoon nap. Then I think we'll start Computer Time. I signed up for this educational website called Starfall.com. He's played the demo before and enjoyed it, so I got him access to the entire site. That way I can have another hour where he's occupied, but he's not just watching TV or playing stupid games. After that I'm not sure. That might get us to 3:00. Sigh.

Let's try to look on the bright side, shall we: This will open up the afternoon for running errands. We don't have to worry about getting him home from something so he can take a nap. It's the first step toward getting him off the pacifier (which he still uses to sleep). Plus, when he doesn't nap he goes to bed earlier and easier.

So this is a good thing, right?

Right?

Sigh.

Four months!

At four months Sam's entering the big baby race:

Weight: 17 lbs. 9 oz. (that means he's gained 10 lbs. 1 oz. since he was born) - 90th percentile
Length: 26 in. - 85th percentile
Head circumference: 41.5 cm - 50th percentile

So his head size is holding steady, but his weight and height shot up in the percentages. He's wearing 6-9 month clothing and is threatening to grow out of it soon. But we're used to big, fast growing babies in our family.

I mentioned how Sam discovered his hands and now he's discovering that they can be used for more than just sucking. Babies this age are like drunk people. When he sees something he likes he grins, drools and makes a grunting noise. Then he bats and grabs at the thing, usually missing it and possibly falling forward. At least he's a happy drunk. As long as he's not tired and he's been fed he's very agreeable. He's much more aware of people and his surroundings, but he doesn't have preferences yet. So Sam recognizes me, but I can hand him off to someone else and he's just as happy.

His sleeping continues to be good. He doesn't sleep through the night every night, but we're at about half and half. I'm not nearly as zombie-like as I was when Ben was this age, but zombie-ness does have its advantages. Zombies just stagger through life, not worrying about anything, and when I was utterly sleep deprived that's how I was. However, when I get almost-but-not-quite-enough sleep I get really grumpy. So I've just been unpleasant for the last four months. Ask Heath, I'm sure he'll back me up on that.

Somewhere in my youth or childhood I must've done something good

Today is an historic day. Last night our second born, Samuel Donald Borders... SLEPT THROUGH THE NIGHT! It wasn't even the wussy 5-6 hours "sleeping through the night" that baby books count. It was full on 9pm-7:45am sleeping through the night! At three months! Yes! *fist pump*

Now I'm about to do that comparison thing I'm so iffy on, because sleeping was our biggest issue with Ben when he was a baby. Ben didn't sleep through the night once until he was five months old. Then it was four more months until he did it again. Nine looong months of waking up multiple times a night, long after almost everyone else's kid slept through the night.

I'm so glad I had the hard one first, because I'm soooooo grateful for Sam's good sleeping habits. He might not sleep through the night every night from now on, but I don't think it's going to be the fight it was with Ben.

All about Sam

Sam had his two month check up last week.

Weight: 12 lbs. 12 oz. - 60th percentile
Height: 23 1/4 inches - 50th percentile
Head circumference: 39 cm. - 50th percentile

I can't believe he's two months old. It doesn't seem possible he's that old, but it also feels like we've been doing this forever. He had his first immunizations and he was not happy with the experience. He ran a little fever afterward (which is normal) and was a pretty grumpy guy the rest of the day (which is also normal after shots, but not normal for him). Luckily both the fever and the grumpiness vanished by the next day.

We are slowly learning more about Sam's personality. So far he's a fairly serious guy. He's been smiling for a few weeks now, but they're rare, so I haven't been able to capture one on camera. Usually he just stares at you like he's sizing you up. Unless he's tired, hungry or wet he's pretty calm. Not a lot of fussiness for no discernible reason. And the sleeping! Let me tell you about the sleeping! I've put off writing about it, because I feel superstitious and DO NOT want to jinx it, but Sam is an awesome sleeper. He usually only wakes up once or twice a night and he's given us a solid seven hours of sleep on more than one occasion. In addition, all on his own he fell into the routine of taking a long afternoon nap which coincides with his brother's. It's honestly more than I dreamed possible because Ben was such a horrible sleeper for so long. Now, that's not to say I'm not tired. After all, I do have a three year old who's still not the best sleeper and almost always wakes up once or twice a night, and a husband who snores. But I am so, so, so grateful that Sam sleeps well. And I try to remember that on the nights he doesn't sleep so well.

So Sammy's doing great! He rolled over for the first time at 31 days old - no joke! I wouldn't have believed it if I wasn't right there, but all three of us witnessed it. It was another few weeks before he did it again, but he can roll from his stomach to his back pretty reliably now. He's had a cold for the last week and he finally seems to be on the upswing. I'm glad, because baby coughs are so sad.

Here are some recent pictures:

I got my Christmas present early!

Last night Sam slept from 10pm-5am.

I'll give you a moment to let that sink in.

Holy shit! He's only five weeks old! Ben didn't sleep through the night once until he was five months old, and then he didn't do it again for four more months. So you can understand why this is so amazing and perplexing to me. I'd hoped for something like this to happen, but never dreamed it actually would.

Who knows if this will be a permanent state. But seven hours of sleep IN A ROW? I feel like the luckiest girl in the world.

I have no idea where he learned that phrase

Saturday night we had our friends Sharon and David over for dinner and planned to play a board game after Ben went to bed. Well, lately Ben's bedtime routine has included three to five incidents of getting out of bed claiming he has to go to the bathroom, or he needs his covers or his Elmo slippers. But Saturday night he was in rare form. I think he was mad we were downstairs playing with friends and he wasn't included. He got out of bed at least seven times, for every imaginable reason. Heath put him to bed around 8pm, but he didn't go to sleep until almost 10. The highlight of the evening, though, was when he came out of his room and yelled down the stairs, "I'M TRYING TO SLEEP! KEEP IT DOWN!"

The Easy Button

Last Wednesday we took apart Ben's crib.

We replaced it with a twin mattress on the floor.

He was excited through the entire process. He was jumping all over the place, on and off the mattress.

I'm not usually the type who's all, "My baby's growing up" *sniff sniff* but I was getting sad as we took apart the crib. He really is growing up. Look at that picture up there. He almost fills up the entire crib mattress.

It seems like these transitions are often much harder on me than on Ben because his first night in the big boy bed was perfect. It was like any other night. And it's been that way ever since. Naps, bedtimes, it's like nothing has changed. Plus, we have the added bonus that sometimes when he wakes up he'll play for a little while before calling to us. Extra sleep, FTW!

So much of parenting can be a fight or a hassle, it's wonderful when something is just easy.

Future mountain climber?

Most of Ben's playgroup friends sleep in toddler beds or mattresses on the floor. Of those over 2, Ben is the lone hold out still in his crib. We figured, why mess with a good thing? Having him in a crib is much easier than having him in a bed and he's never shown any interest in or inclination to climb out of his crib.

Until Monday.

He was very opposed to a nap Monday afternoon because he'd fallen asleep in the car for all of 15 minutes. I was on my computer, listening to him yell about not wanting to nap, when all of a sudden I heard a THUMP and a scream. By the time I got to his room he was standing at the door crying, so I have no idea how he landed, but he was fine, aside from biting his tongue.

Our friends' son Colin climbed out of his crib exactly once. Apparently he fell like Ben and it scared him, so he never attempted it again. I was hoping Ben would be the same way, because he's a strange combination of daredevil and cautious. But the daredevil side won out. Yesterday morning he greeted Heath at his bedroom door. Heath asked Ben to demonstrate how he climbed out and according to Heath, "He was like a ninja."

So, it's time for a big boy bed, which will take the form of a twin mattress on the floor for now. I'm planning to take Ben to Target to pick out some sheets this afternoon, so hopefully it'll feel like an adventure. I'm worried about how he's going to sleep (and thus how we will sleep)... But in the past when we've had big transitions like this (giving up the bottle, taking the pacifier away during the day) he's barely registered them, so I'm hoping this is the same way. I'll keep you posted!

In your dreams

Lately when we retrieve Ben in the morning or after a nap he tells us wild stories about dinosaurs jumping in mud and random scraps that somewhat resemble our real life. And I've come to realize that he's telling us his dreams. How crazy is that?!

This also coincides with him commenting more on darkness and occasionally using the word "scary." I suppose it's inevitable that we're in for some nightmares. At least now he can somewhat describe them.

Paranoia, paranoia, everybody's comin' to get me...

For the past few nights Ben has been waking up in the middle of the night. He hasn't done that in many, many months and it's feeding my paranoia. The same thing happened last fall. He'd been sleeping through the night wonderfully all summer and then fall came and the shit hit the fan. He started getting ear infections and colds and from October to March he didn't consistently sleep through the night. As September approached this year that thought crept into my head and I'm hoping this isn't the start of another horrible winter. I have become very attached to sleeping through the night.

The difference this time around is that Ben can TALK. So instead of just unintelligible crying what we get is, "Daddy, daddy, daddy, daddy! Mommy, mommy, mommy, mommy!" That is infinitely worse. It's like having an ice pick dragged through your heart.

So, basically what this mean is that the blog may become more incoherent in the months ahead as sleep becomes a distant memory. Autumn has always been my favorite season, but if this keeps up I may start to have a Pavlovian response and become a summer person (shudder).

Ben the Manipulator

Scene: It's bedtime. Ben has his binky, we'd read numerous stories and he was clutching his baby Elmo doll to his chest, so I put him into his crib.

Normally he'd just lie down and go to sleep. He's pretty good about going to bed, at least initially. However, instead he said, "Poop! Poop! I poop!" I sniffed and didn't smell anything, but he was pretty insistent. So up on the changing table he went where I discovered that I was right. No poop. He was still saying "poop," though, so I thought maybe he meant he had to poop. He's getting better about recognizing that feeling. I read him another book, thinking maybe we could catch the poop before bed. I didn't want him to sleep in it all night, or worse, wake me up in the middle of the night to change him.

But the poop never appeared, so after his extra book I put him back in his crib. He started saying "poop" again, but I told him it was time to sleep and left the room. He cried for a moment, but then fell asleep.

In the morning I was a little afraid his butt would be screaming red after sleeping in poop all night. Quite the contrary. He was totally clean and it dawned on me. That was Ben's first attempt to manipulate his way out of bedtime.

Screw Jack Frost

Though I enjoyed snow as a child, I've long since accepted that as an adult, snow sucks. It just makes life harder. My newest lesson is that as a parent, winter sucks! Save a few blessed weeks, Ben's had a runny nose since October. That was also the last time he slept through the night with any regularity. We still get a few nights here and there, but once he hits three in a row then he gets a cold or an ear infection or he just feels like inflicting some torture. He's going to graduate to water boarding soon.

This will all get better once spring hits, right? Right?

RIGHT?!

2010 grab bag

So far 2010 has been a good year in our house. Several Wonderful Things are happening.

Wonderful Thing #1 is that Ben is going to have a cousin! Ian and Bekah are having a baby! They found out on Jan. 1 that Bekah's pregnant. The funny thing is that two years ago we found out on Jan. 2 that I was pregnant. So Ben and his cousin will have close birthdays and possibly even the same birthday. I'm so excited! Our family is expanding and I'll get to hold a newborn again without having to go through all the pregnancy and labor crap. Uh, I mean, all the pregnancy and labor awesomeness. It wasn't the most painful experience of my life. Not at all. It was... great.

Wonderful Thing #2 is that Ben's starting to sleep better. Several times this week he's almost slept through the night, with only a couple quick wake ups. Heath and I have actually gotten to sleep in our bed together the entire night for two or three days now. It's a novel concept. I hope this means his ear infections are dissipating or gone. He's been on medication for almost three weeks now. This also coincides with our official switch to one nap a day. I've been fighting it for a while and since he's been sick it was derailed a bit, but Ben's a one nap kid now. He's been sleeping  for two hours around lunch time like clockwork. I'll admit it's nice to have a reliable two hour break and it does allow us to be out and about longer during the afternoon, but it's hard to go down to only one break a day. Especially since I'd rather have it late in the afternoon. Around 4:00pm I'm just done, but I guess I'll get used to it. I suppose the only thing harder than this will be when he gives up napping altogether. Hopefully by then he'll be in preschool. Of course, by then we'll probably have another kid and I'll have to do this whole horrible thing over again. Uh, I mean, this WONDERFUL thing. It's the best time of your life. Really... Sleep deprivation isn't like torture at all. It's fun to hallucinate in the middle of the day. It's like a free movie.

[Ed. Note: Since writing this a few days ago Ben has gone back to sleeping like crap at night. *sigh*]