Every day Sam is becoming more like a little kid and less like a baby. He's still not exactly speaking words, but he understands most of what we say and is getting better at communicating.
We've gotten into a violent stage with Sam. He hits people and throws things A LOT. It's very frustrating because I have to be an almost constant mediator between him and Ben. The hitting is really hard for Ben to take because he knows he's not supposed to hit Sam, but Sam keeps hitting him. Of course I scold Sam and try to remove him from the situation, but at this age there's still no real way to punish him that he'll understand. I can put him in his room by himself, but he won't be able to connect that to hitting Ben, so it's pointless.
However, when Sam's NOT hitting Ben they're starting to really play together. Sam's getting faster, so Chase is more exciting. And they wrestle. And bounce on Ben's bed. And dance. There are times when I might get 10 minutes of them playing together nicely and not constantly bugging me to play. After four and a half years of ALWAYS being bugged to play, 10 minutes seems pretty nice. Not nice enough, but it's a start.
Sam's starting to be able to feed himself with utensils, which is messy but awesome. Just another step on that road toward not having to watch him every second of the day. And though he doesn't eat a lot, his palate is starting to open up a little. For a while the only fruit he would eat was bananas and applesauce. In the last couple weeks he's started eating blueberries again and I also got him to eat raspberries and grapes! Trust me, it's very exciting.
Sam LOVES to play outside. I think he'd stay out there all day if I let him. He also loves animals, especially dogs and always notices a dog barking, even in the distance. Whenever he sees our cats he lets out this SCREECH of joy. It's pretty cute.
Next week Sam will be 18 months old. A year and a half. I don't think of Sam as being as old as I thought of Ben at this age, if that makes sense. Compared to Ben now, Sam still seems like a baby, but on those mornings when it's just us I can see him more clearly and realize just how much he can do. He's climbing on playground equipment by himself. He's getting better and better on the stairs. And now sometimes he's wanting to walk through parking lots, instead of being carried. Little boy is growing up and in October he'll have a new baby cousin and it'll be that much more apparent how old he is.
Showing posts with label disobedience. Show all posts
Showing posts with label disobedience. Show all posts
Monday, May 6, 2013
Sunday, September 2, 2012
Four!
Dear Ben,
We survived! I don't think I've said that since your first birthday, but this year has been rough. Before you turned three I got a little warning from some friends with older kids that three was worse than two, and boy were they right! We've been struggling this year, with independence, with wanting more attention than I can give and with the fact that you want to do so many things, but you just can't do them all yet. Hopefully our level of fighting this year isn't reached again, well EVER, but realistically until you're a teenager. It hasn't all been bad, of course, but I'm committed to showing a realistic picture of parenthood, so I'm not going to only sing your praises just because it's your birthday. :)
You had several big life changes this year. Of course, the biggest was Sam being born. It was a little tough on you at first. For the first couple months you were obviously out of sorts, but overall I'm so impressed with the way you welcomed him into our family. You never took your frustration out on the baby, just on us (which is how it should be). And as Sam's gotten older and more interactive you're having more fun with him. One of the best parts of this year has been listening to you boys laugh together. You love to make Sam laugh and he loves watching you. You're so sweet with him, giving him hugs and kisses and mostly sharing your toys. I can see the very beginnings of sibling rivalry, as Sam becomes more mobile, but I think you guys are going to have a lot of fun, too.
Another big event of the year was going binky free. Daddy and I were a little afraid of this milestone, so we pulled out the big guns: bribery. With your remaining binkies you bought a bike and you never looked back. Once again your ability to roll with big changes blew my mind. Which always makes it so odd when you break down over the littlest things, like who went into the house first.
The last big event, which was probably bigger for me than for you, was going nap free. All summer you've been whittling down the number of naps you take per week and at this point you're down to one or two. On days when we have nothing to do it can be a little maddening for me (since you still won't play by yourself for any length of time), but on busy weekends it's actually kind of nice. So, the good with the bad.
You absolutely loved your first year of preschool and Daddy and I are so excited by that. Every single day when I picked you up from school your teacher said, "Ben's had a great day." We never had a bad report about you and your teacher was always telling us you were a good friend and a good leader in class. I'm so proud of you for that.
Your interests continue to run toward building and reading and just running around. You're an odd mix of Daddy and me, but I guess that's what we were going for! Although I complained about it incessantly, I was a little sad when your obsession with trains waned this year. It had been such a huge part of your life for two and a half years, it's hard to believe it's over. For a while we thought a Lego obsession might manifest, and I still think it will, but it might be a little early. Right now your focus has turned to ANGRY BIRDS. Everything you play becomes some version of Angry Birds: someone's a pig, someone's a red bird, something's a stolen egg. You're very imaginative with it and it's fun to watch.
With three behind us I'm starting to see some light at the end of the tunnel. You still throw yourself on the floor in agony every time we tell you to brush your teeth, BUT sometimes when I tell you to get dressed you just... do it. Without a fuss, without a fight. It's amazing. And you're helpful around the house, sometimes without even being asked. Between the tantrums and the deliberate disobedience I can see flashes of you becoming a great kid. And I have hope that there are better years ahead. Maybe even next year!
Happy birthday, Ben. I love you.
Love,
Mommy
We survived! I don't think I've said that since your first birthday, but this year has been rough. Before you turned three I got a little warning from some friends with older kids that three was worse than two, and boy were they right! We've been struggling this year, with independence, with wanting more attention than I can give and with the fact that you want to do so many things, but you just can't do them all yet. Hopefully our level of fighting this year isn't reached again, well EVER, but realistically until you're a teenager. It hasn't all been bad, of course, but I'm committed to showing a realistic picture of parenthood, so I'm not going to only sing your praises just because it's your birthday. :)
You had several big life changes this year. Of course, the biggest was Sam being born. It was a little tough on you at first. For the first couple months you were obviously out of sorts, but overall I'm so impressed with the way you welcomed him into our family. You never took your frustration out on the baby, just on us (which is how it should be). And as Sam's gotten older and more interactive you're having more fun with him. One of the best parts of this year has been listening to you boys laugh together. You love to make Sam laugh and he loves watching you. You're so sweet with him, giving him hugs and kisses and mostly sharing your toys. I can see the very beginnings of sibling rivalry, as Sam becomes more mobile, but I think you guys are going to have a lot of fun, too.
Another big event of the year was going binky free. Daddy and I were a little afraid of this milestone, so we pulled out the big guns: bribery. With your remaining binkies you bought a bike and you never looked back. Once again your ability to roll with big changes blew my mind. Which always makes it so odd when you break down over the littlest things, like who went into the house first.
The last big event, which was probably bigger for me than for you, was going nap free. All summer you've been whittling down the number of naps you take per week and at this point you're down to one or two. On days when we have nothing to do it can be a little maddening for me (since you still won't play by yourself for any length of time), but on busy weekends it's actually kind of nice. So, the good with the bad.
You absolutely loved your first year of preschool and Daddy and I are so excited by that. Every single day when I picked you up from school your teacher said, "Ben's had a great day." We never had a bad report about you and your teacher was always telling us you were a good friend and a good leader in class. I'm so proud of you for that.
Your interests continue to run toward building and reading and just running around. You're an odd mix of Daddy and me, but I guess that's what we were going for! Although I complained about it incessantly, I was a little sad when your obsession with trains waned this year. It had been such a huge part of your life for two and a half years, it's hard to believe it's over. For a while we thought a Lego obsession might manifest, and I still think it will, but it might be a little early. Right now your focus has turned to ANGRY BIRDS. Everything you play becomes some version of Angry Birds: someone's a pig, someone's a red bird, something's a stolen egg. You're very imaginative with it and it's fun to watch.
With three behind us I'm starting to see some light at the end of the tunnel. You still throw yourself on the floor in agony every time we tell you to brush your teeth, BUT sometimes when I tell you to get dressed you just... do it. Without a fuss, without a fight. It's amazing. And you're helpful around the house, sometimes without even being asked. Between the tantrums and the deliberate disobedience I can see flashes of you becoming a great kid. And I have hope that there are better years ahead. Maybe even next year!
Happy birthday, Ben. I love you.
Love,
Mommy
Friday, August 26, 2011
Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Ben
I've been warned by friends with older kids that the "terrible twos" are really nothing compared to three year olds. And only one week away from Ben's third birthday we are experiencing that reality for ourselves. Heath described it rather succinctly: When they're two they do bad things, but they don't realize those things are bad. But when they're three they do bad things they know are bad. So it's all about the intent.
The most frustrating thing is that sometimes Ben's his old, sweet self. He'll cooperate, he'll do what I ask, he won't stall for insane amounts of time. Then all of a sudden a switch goes off in his head and he's whining and stomping around and willfully disobeying me. And this happens every day. Our day isn't complete until he's thrown himself on the ground in anguish over something. Or made me drag him along the sidewalk because he won't stand up. Or run away while I'm yelling at him to STOP.
Is this like mini-boot camp for the teenage years? I suppose I should be grateful that at least right now I can physically overpower him. That advantage is going to go away all too soon. He'll probably be taller than I am by the time he's 10. But this SUCKS. I know it's not just me, but it's making me feel like a terrible parent because I pretty much want to strangle him on a daily basis. And I don't want to be screaming at him in Target or at restaurants.
I guess he started preschool just in time. We both need our space.
The most frustrating thing is that sometimes Ben's his old, sweet self. He'll cooperate, he'll do what I ask, he won't stall for insane amounts of time. Then all of a sudden a switch goes off in his head and he's whining and stomping around and willfully disobeying me. And this happens every day. Our day isn't complete until he's thrown himself on the ground in anguish over something. Or made me drag him along the sidewalk because he won't stand up. Or run away while I'm yelling at him to STOP.
Is this like mini-boot camp for the teenage years? I suppose I should be grateful that at least right now I can physically overpower him. That advantage is going to go away all too soon. He'll probably be taller than I am by the time he's 10. But this SUCKS. I know it's not just me, but it's making me feel like a terrible parent because I pretty much want to strangle him on a daily basis. And I don't want to be screaming at him in Target or at restaurants.
I guess he started preschool just in time. We both need our space.
Saturday, June 11, 2011
Conversations with a Toddler - Part 9
Scene: Ben and I were walking down the stairs and he started hopping.
Me: Please don't hop on the stairs. You need to walk.
Ben: (Continues hopping)
Me: (More sternly) Stop hopping on the stairs. You need to walk down.
Ben: (Screams) NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Me: (Walks away, because often that's a very effective way to make Ben behave. He does not like to be alone. Ever.)
Ben: (Walks down the rest of the stairs, comes to me and gives me a hug) I'm sorry I yelled at you, Mom.
Me: (Heart melts)
Me: Please don't hop on the stairs. You need to walk.
Ben: (Continues hopping)
Me: (More sternly) Stop hopping on the stairs. You need to walk down.
Ben: (Screams) NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Me: (Walks away, because often that's a very effective way to make Ben behave. He does not like to be alone. Ever.)
Ben: (Walks down the rest of the stairs, comes to me and gives me a hug) I'm sorry I yelled at you, Mom.
Me: (Heart melts)
Wednesday, March 30, 2011
Trying times
This moment in Ben's development is what people usually refer to as a "phase." I think they say that to give you hope that your life will one day be good again. The phase we're navigating right now is an aggressive phase. The hitting, kicking, throwing and pushing are ever present. Taking him around other kids is becoming a chore. Even playgroup friends he's known his entire life aren't immune. Some of it isn't malicious. His favorite game is Chase, so if he can't verbally convince someone to play with him he'll push them, trying to start them off running. Eventually that results in pushing them down, and sometimes, tears.
Other times it is malicious and it's so frustrating because there's not all that much I can do. I take him aside, tell him not to hit, make him apologize, give him a time-out... But so far it's not very effective. I guess I'm going to have to start leaving wherever we are, but that sucks because it's punishment for me, too.
I know this mainly stems from lack of impulse control and empathy. Everyone has times when they just want to smack someone else, but they've learned to control that urge and just passive aggressively write about it on Facebook. As one of his parents, it's my job to teach him that skill. But damn it's difficult and tedious. I've probably said, "We don't hit," 5,000 times in the last year and a half and I probably have 10,000 more ahead of me.
When he was first learning to walk I pretty much followed after him everywhere we went, to make sure he didn't crack his head open. It was so nice when he became steady enough that I didn't have to mirror his every move. I could chat with my friends or just sit down for once. Now I feel like I have to revive my shadow role so he quits hitting everyone. Where did my sweet boy go?
Other times it is malicious and it's so frustrating because there's not all that much I can do. I take him aside, tell him not to hit, make him apologize, give him a time-out... But so far it's not very effective. I guess I'm going to have to start leaving wherever we are, but that sucks because it's punishment for me, too.
I know this mainly stems from lack of impulse control and empathy. Everyone has times when they just want to smack someone else, but they've learned to control that urge and just passive aggressively write about it on Facebook. As one of his parents, it's my job to teach him that skill. But damn it's difficult and tedious. I've probably said, "We don't hit," 5,000 times in the last year and a half and I probably have 10,000 more ahead of me.
When he was first learning to walk I pretty much followed after him everywhere we went, to make sure he didn't crack his head open. It was so nice when he became steady enough that I didn't have to mirror his every move. I could chat with my friends or just sit down for once. Now I feel like I have to revive my shadow role so he quits hitting everyone. Where did my sweet boy go?
Friday, July 23, 2010
Arianne, you may not want to read this one
Ben's evil gene has finally kicked in. No cat in the household is safe from his attempts at torture. His aim is horrible, so most toys hurled in their direction miss. And Crookshanks is smart enough to just stay out of his way. She spends most of the day sleeping under our bed. However, Minnie is such an attention whore and apparently has no self esteem that she consistently submits herself to Ben's torment. He has pulled her off chairs by her fur, he pushes her down to the floor to use her as a pillow, he tries to pick her up by her feet, and she takes it. It's ridiculous. She doesn't have front claws so she can't fight back very effectively, but she did bite him one time and I had absolutely no sympathy. He totally deserved it and yet it didn't deter him at all. I spend most days at home yelling, "Don't throw things at the cat! Be nice to her!"
What's so vexing is that whenever we meet an animal at the park, or when we spend time with relatives' dogs, he's perfectly fine. He pets them gently and that's the end of it. Maybe it's a quasi-sibling thing. You're nicer to strangers than to your own family. Hopefully this isn't a clue as to what's to come when Ben eventually gets a sibling. Though considering how Ian and I fought as kids, I'll probably deserve whatever they dish out. Karma's a bitch.
What's so vexing is that whenever we meet an animal at the park, or when we spend time with relatives' dogs, he's perfectly fine. He pets them gently and that's the end of it. Maybe it's a quasi-sibling thing. You're nicer to strangers than to your own family. Hopefully this isn't a clue as to what's to come when Ben eventually gets a sibling. Though considering how Ian and I fought as kids, I'll probably deserve whatever they dish out. Karma's a bitch.
Thursday, September 24, 2009
Rules were made to be broken
A few weeks ago when I went to the first of my many dentist appointments this month, my mom watched Ben. I had to leave before he woke from his morning nap, so I was afraid he might freak out when he discovered I wasn't there. However, Mom said he was fine and even smiled at her. For some reason she's always surprised that he likes her, despite the fact that she lavishes attention and presents on him.
After lunch they were playing in the living room and smarty pants Ben decided he would test some boundaries. We don't allow him to touch the fireplace*, but Mom didn't know that. So he approached and started banging on it. Then every few seconds he would stop and look at her, to check her reaction. When he wasn't reprimanded he would bang away in joy. Mom said when he looked back at her he had a twinkle in his eye, because he knew he was getting away with something. I suppose that was his first lesson in how to manipulate his grandparents. Step 1: Be cute. Step 3: Profit!
However, Mommy and Daddy aren't so easily persuaded. The fireplace rule persists, but that doesn't stop Ben from testing it. He knows his hands are off limits, but what about toys? Can he bang toys on the fireplace? Nope, apparently not. How about a ladle? Okay, no. A stuffed animal? Wow, still no? How about if I lick it, is that okay? No? Come on! You guys are total fascists!
Heath delights in Ben's creativity and craftiness and I have to admit it is amusing. He's already applying the scientific method to his life. One day he will crack the code of the fireplace!
*It's a gas fireplace which is totally enclosed, so he couldn't actually hurt himself on it, but we don't want him in the habit of playing with fireplaces.
After lunch they were playing in the living room and smarty pants Ben decided he would test some boundaries. We don't allow him to touch the fireplace*, but Mom didn't know that. So he approached and started banging on it. Then every few seconds he would stop and look at her, to check her reaction. When he wasn't reprimanded he would bang away in joy. Mom said when he looked back at her he had a twinkle in his eye, because he knew he was getting away with something. I suppose that was his first lesson in how to manipulate his grandparents. Step 1: Be cute. Step 3: Profit!
However, Mommy and Daddy aren't so easily persuaded. The fireplace rule persists, but that doesn't stop Ben from testing it. He knows his hands are off limits, but what about toys? Can he bang toys on the fireplace? Nope, apparently not. How about a ladle? Okay, no. A stuffed animal? Wow, still no? How about if I lick it, is that okay? No? Come on! You guys are total fascists!
Heath delights in Ben's creativity and craftiness and I have to admit it is amusing. He's already applying the scientific method to his life. One day he will crack the code of the fireplace!
*It's a gas fireplace which is totally enclosed, so he couldn't actually hurt himself on it, but we don't want him in the habit of playing with fireplaces.
Monday, August 24, 2009
Defiance: Thy name is toddler
Toddler tendencies have been cropping up in Ben's behavior for a couple months now. The most infuriating one (so far) is with his sippy cup. It sits on his highchair tray during meals and he is apparently physically incapable of putting it back when he's done drinking. His DNA compels him to drop it onto the floor (I think it's the Y chromosome). At first he just dropped or threw it to see what happened, but now he knows it makes me mad. Sometimes he grabs it, doesn't even take a drink, and holds it over the side of the chair. Then he gives me this smirk like, "Give me all the cookies, or the cup gets it!" If I say no he laughs. I'm sure I have many, many parenting trials ahead of me, but him laughing when I say no strains my patience to the breaking point.
As Heath said, Ben's fortune was probably meant for us instead.
As Heath said, Ben's fortune was probably meant for us instead.
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