Letting go

I cannot believe I'm going to type this, let alone THINK it, but I'm going to stop making Ben take naps. For three and a half years nap time has been my refuge. The bulk of my time alone and time to relax has been during nap time. But yesterday this happened:

Ben took a long nap - almost three hours. Then he wanted to play pirate, so he donned his pirate gear and hid treasure all over the house. The final step in the process involved me drawing a map of all the places he hid the treasure. First was the refrigerator and when I showed him my drawing he was less than pleased. I'm still not exactly sure what was wrong with it, but even though I tried to explain that I can't draw very well and that was the best I could do, it still turned into a 15 minute crying fit. Because I drew the refrigerator wrong.

That was basically the last straw. I've been noticing that his mood after naps is pretty bad and on the days he doesn't nap he seems fine. It really pains me to give up his naps, but I'd rather have a happy boy than a grumpy boy. I'm afraid it's going to lead to an even grumpier Mommy, but I have the beginnings of a plan. First off is Quiet Time. He'll still have it for an hour every afternoon, to conveniently coincide with Sam's afternoon nap. Then I think we'll start Computer Time. I signed up for this educational website called Starfall.com. He's played the demo before and enjoyed it, so I got him access to the entire site. That way I can have another hour where he's occupied, but he's not just watching TV or playing stupid games. After that I'm not sure. That might get us to 3:00. Sigh.

Let's try to look on the bright side, shall we: This will open up the afternoon for running errands. We don't have to worry about getting him home from something so he can take a nap. It's the first step toward getting him off the pacifier (which he still uses to sleep). Plus, when he doesn't nap he goes to bed earlier and easier.

So this is a good thing, right?

Right?

Sigh.

Am I already this out of date?

Ben has been using the iPod and other touch screen devices since he was about 18 months old. So now, two years later, he's very good at it. One of his favorite iPad games is Angry Birds. In the game you have to fling birds with a slingshot at pigs in various types of structures. The goal is to knock down all the pigs. It's a good game for him because he has to aim and judge distance and trajectory.

He plays it a lot and this morning we were playing together. I was attempting to pass a level and since I don't play it very much I failed. Ben gently took the iPad from my lap and said, "This one's pretty hard for you, Mom. I can do it."

And the sad thing was, he did.

Four months!

At four months Sam's entering the big baby race:

Weight: 17 lbs. 9 oz. (that means he's gained 10 lbs. 1 oz. since he was born) - 90th percentile
Length: 26 in. - 85th percentile
Head circumference: 41.5 cm - 50th percentile

So his head size is holding steady, but his weight and height shot up in the percentages. He's wearing 6-9 month clothing and is threatening to grow out of it soon. But we're used to big, fast growing babies in our family.

I mentioned how Sam discovered his hands and now he's discovering that they can be used for more than just sucking. Babies this age are like drunk people. When he sees something he likes he grins, drools and makes a grunting noise. Then he bats and grabs at the thing, usually missing it and possibly falling forward. At least he's a happy drunk. As long as he's not tired and he's been fed he's very agreeable. He's much more aware of people and his surroundings, but he doesn't have preferences yet. So Sam recognizes me, but I can hand him off to someone else and he's just as happy.

His sleeping continues to be good. He doesn't sleep through the night every night, but we're at about half and half. I'm not nearly as zombie-like as I was when Ben was this age, but zombie-ness does have its advantages. Zombies just stagger through life, not worrying about anything, and when I was utterly sleep deprived that's how I was. However, when I get almost-but-not-quite-enough sleep I get really grumpy. So I've just been unpleasant for the last four months. Ask Heath, I'm sure he'll back me up on that.

The Cult of the Helicopter Parent

For anyone not parenting right now, you might not be aware that the expectations for parenting have become much more "hands on." Gone are the days of (as my mother said) throwing your kids out of the house until lunch and then throwing them out of the house again until dinner. It's partly due to fear of kidnapping*, partly due to the fact that a lot of households are two income, so kids are at daycare and partly due to this idea that you should be entertaining/providing "teaching moments" for your kids all the time. I read an article recently that claimed working mothers today spend more time with their children than stay-at-home mothers did in the 50's. I don't know if that's actually true, but it seems possible.

At first I bought into all that. Of course, you can't really leave an infant alone very long, but you don't always have to be entertaining him. However, with Ben I pretty much did that. Sometimes I would work around the house with him as my shadow, but usually I'd wait until he was asleep or Heath was home to finish the bulk of my chores. As you can imagine that was both tiring and boring, and it also taught Ben that we'll ALWAYS play with him. So lately I've been trying to do some re-training and teach Ben to play by himself. It hasn't been easy because he's like Heath - he never wants to be alone. Just yesterday he chose to sit in the bathroom and do nothing while I took a shower, rather than play in his room by himself for 10 minutes.

Right now we're in that in-between stage where he's not quite ready to give up his afternoon naps, but sometimes he's not tired enough for one. So on those days we have a rule that if he doesn't nap he has one hour of quiet time in his room. At first it was a disaster. "Quiet time" was really "crying time." Then he stopped the crying, but he would scream and yell and jump on his bed. Now I think we've finally gotten to the point where he understands and is usually fairly good with it. He'll play in his room by himself, but he has yet to make it an entire hour without calling for me or coming out of his room.

I've also been trying to play with him less throughout the day. Even typing that sentence feels so WRONG, like all the other parents are judging me. But considering that I used to play with him ALL DAY LONG, I'm trying to be fine with it. He's pretty content sometimes to play by himself if I'm in the same room. So if I'm doing dishes or cooking he'll color or play Play-Doh at the kitchen table. If I'm folding laundry in the living room, he'll play trains, etc. Most of the time he still expects us to entertain him, but he's getting better. Even extroverts need to learn how to be by themselves sometimes.

I hope I can continue this in my parenting, encouraging independence despite pressure from society or other parents to keep an eye on my kids at all times. We live in a safe neighborhood, with a nice playground two blocks away and Ben's future elementary school just down the street. I feel like he should be able to walk or bike around by himself by third or fourth grade. I just don't know if he'll have any other kids to walk or bike with.


*Seriously. I've talked to a lot of different mothers in the past three and a half years and the vast majority are very reluctant to let their kids out of their sight for any length of time for this reason.

Finally!

Babies change so much in their first year of life. Every few weeks it's like you have a new child. Just in the last week Sam has discovered his hands and they are the new loves of his life! Last time I did a Sam update he wasn't smiling too much, but in the past month he's become a really smiley guy. But I hadn't been able to snap a picture of him smiling because every time I got out the camera he would give it this hard stare, like he was trying to figure it out - Until today! I managed to catch him smiling, though he refuses to be parted from his hands (ha!), so they make guest appearances:

True Love

Bubble = Burst

When we first brought Sam home, Ben's Daddy Favoritism flared up again really badly, but it's waned to a tolerable amount in the last three months. And last week when Heath was on a business trip Wednesday-Friday Ben was a lot more affectionate with me than normal. I knew it was just because Heath was gone, but I still enjoyed it.

However, the specter of Daddy Favoritism is always looming above our heads. On Friday morning we were in the car and the following conversation took place:

Me: Ben, Daddy will be home tomorrow!

Ben: Yeah. I wish you were gone.

Me: What do you mean? You wish I was gone instead of Daddy?

Ben: Yeah.

Ouch.

Somewhere in my youth or childhood I must've done something good

Today is an historic day. Last night our second born, Samuel Donald Borders... SLEPT THROUGH THE NIGHT! It wasn't even the wussy 5-6 hours "sleeping through the night" that baby books count. It was full on 9pm-7:45am sleeping through the night! At three months! Yes! *fist pump*

Now I'm about to do that comparison thing I'm so iffy on, because sleeping was our biggest issue with Ben when he was a baby. Ben didn't sleep through the night once until he was five months old. Then it was four more months until he did it again. Nine looong months of waking up multiple times a night, long after almost everyone else's kid slept through the night.

I'm so glad I had the hard one first, because I'm soooooo grateful for Sam's good sleeping habits. He might not sleep through the night every night from now on, but I don't think it's going to be the fight it was with Ben.

World's Best Brother

Even though we had a pretty rocky start, with sickness and moodiness, I'm so happy and proud with the way Ben has adjusted to Sam's presence. Even in the very beginning he never took his negative feelings out on Sam. Ben has loved him right from the start.

At first he liked helping us wash out the bottles, but that ended pretty quickly. However, he hugs and kisses Sam all the time, tells him, "It'll be okay, Sam," when he's crying and introduces Sam to his various toys. Naturally there are still times when he feels jealous and tells us to put Sam down and play with him. I've tried to explain to Ben that after he wakes up from his nap and Sam's still sleeping, that's the time I can give him my full attention. He hasn't quite grasped that concept yet, though, and always asks to watch TV during that time. Then later he gets mad when I can't play trains because I have to feed Sam. We're working on it.

The cutest thing happened a few weekends ago, when we took them both to the YMCA nursery for the first time. Apparently the entire time they were in there Ben was protecting Sam and telling the other kids not to touch him. He's looking out for his little brother.

A Portrait of the Artist as a Young Boy

The other day Ben asked to use the camera. I thought the results were rather interesting. I could see things from his point of view.

There were a lot of pictures of the kitchen cabinets:

And a lot of the lower half of my body:

Creations with blocks:

I think this one's kind of nice:

But the best one is the self portrait:

Big and Tall store, here we come!

After Ben was born I wanted to start a Christmas tradition with him. A lot of people get a new pair of pajamas every year, but that was too typical and I wanted to do something more meaningful to me. So I decided to buy him a new pair of Converse shoes every year. I always buy them a little large, because his feet grow so quickly. So far he hasn't made it through an entire year with his Christmas shoes. Usually he doesn't even make it through the summer. Here are this year's shoes:

That's MY foot. He's three years old and his shoes are almost as long as my foot! He's going to be bigger than I am by the time he's nine.