When we first brought Sam home, Ben's Daddy Favoritism flared up again really badly, but it's waned to a tolerable amount in the last three months. And last week when Heath was on a business trip Wednesday-Friday Ben was a lot more affectionate with me than normal. I knew it was just because Heath was gone, but I still enjoyed it.
However, the specter of Daddy Favoritism is always looming above our heads. On Friday morning we were in the car and the following conversation took place:
Me: Ben, Daddy will be home tomorrow!
Ben: Yeah. I wish you were gone.
Me: What do you mean? You wish I was gone instead of Daddy?
Ben: Yeah.
Ouch.
Showing posts with label favoritism. Show all posts
Showing posts with label favoritism. Show all posts
Sunday, February 19, 2012
Tuesday, January 10, 2012
Freaky...
So, as an addendum to my post about wanting Sam to like me better than Heath, I have some evidence to back up my (hopeful) claim. Here's some SCIENCE:
Heath was born June 2nd and Ben was born September 2nd. Obviously being born on the 2nd of the month has drawn them together.
Now get ready to have your minds blown...
I was born September 14th and Sam was born November 14th.
IT'S GONNA HAPPEN, PEOPLE!
Heath was born June 2nd and Ben was born September 2nd. Obviously being born on the 2nd of the month has drawn them together.
Now get ready to have your minds blown...
I was born September 14th and Sam was born November 14th.
IT'S GONNA HAPPEN, PEOPLE!
Tuesday, January 3, 2012
Playing favorites
Fairly recently my mother reminded me about one of my biggest complaints in childhood. I had actually forgotten about it, but as a kid it always really bothered me that I didn't have a "partner" in our family. My parents had each other. My brothers had each other. I felt left out.
Remembering that feeling made me realize that I was feeling the same thing watching Ben favor Heath all these years. I've felt left out of my own family. And having to take care of a newborn 24-7 hasn't been winning me popularity points with Ben. When we first brought Sam home Ben reverted back to his worst bout of favoritism. He wanted absolutely nothing to do with me, to the point of crying even when Heath just went to the bathroom. As he's getting more used to our "new normal" it's gone back to an almost tolerable level of favoritism, but it still stings. Especially since I can't spend one-on-one time with him while Heath's at work anymore.
It makes total sense that Ben would favor Heath. Heath has more energy, he's loud and fun and he sings silly songs all the time. Ben and Heath also have a lot of similar interests and a similar mindset. I'm reserved and prefer reading or coloring or playing quiet games to running around like a crazy person (which is often what Ben and Heath do). I think (and hope) that I'll be the one Ben turns to when he needs quiet in his life, but I really can't imagine a time when I'll be his favorite.
And that's where it gets tough for Sam, because I'm really hoping he's "mine." I know it's a possibility that he'll gravitate toward Heath... But I'm openly and un-apologetically stating that I want him to be an introvert and prefer me. It's completely unfair to put those hopes on him, but I'm already the odd one out because I'm female. I don't want to be the only introvert and the un-favored parent in the family, too.
Sam's only seven weeks old and he doesn't even recognize us on sight yet, so I still have a few months before he could even feasibly pick a favorite. And who knows, he might not pick one. Not all kids do and some go back and forth during different phases of their life. But if he picks Heath it's going to be very tough for me.
Remembering that feeling made me realize that I was feeling the same thing watching Ben favor Heath all these years. I've felt left out of my own family. And having to take care of a newborn 24-7 hasn't been winning me popularity points with Ben. When we first brought Sam home Ben reverted back to his worst bout of favoritism. He wanted absolutely nothing to do with me, to the point of crying even when Heath just went to the bathroom. As he's getting more used to our "new normal" it's gone back to an almost tolerable level of favoritism, but it still stings. Especially since I can't spend one-on-one time with him while Heath's at work anymore.
It makes total sense that Ben would favor Heath. Heath has more energy, he's loud and fun and he sings silly songs all the time. Ben and Heath also have a lot of similar interests and a similar mindset. I'm reserved and prefer reading or coloring or playing quiet games to running around like a crazy person (which is often what Ben and Heath do). I think (and hope) that I'll be the one Ben turns to when he needs quiet in his life, but I really can't imagine a time when I'll be his favorite.
And that's where it gets tough for Sam, because I'm really hoping he's "mine." I know it's a possibility that he'll gravitate toward Heath... But I'm openly and un-apologetically stating that I want him to be an introvert and prefer me. It's completely unfair to put those hopes on him, but I'm already the odd one out because I'm female. I don't want to be the only introvert and the un-favored parent in the family, too.
Sam's only seven weeks old and he doesn't even recognize us on sight yet, so I still have a few months before he could even feasibly pick a favorite. And who knows, he might not pick one. Not all kids do and some go back and forth during different phases of their life. But if he picks Heath it's going to be very tough for me.
Tuesday, October 12, 2010
The story of the unfavored parent
Ever since Ben was old enough to have a favorite parent (around 8-9 months, maybe?), it's been Heath. Unequivocally. And I get it. He sees me all day long and Daddy's loud and energetic and fun. For a long time it didn't bother me, because it gave me a break. But after a while it started to get to me. After all, I do almost everything for him, including giving up sushi and booze for 10+ months. I know that's a ridiculous way to look at it and it's something he probably won't appreciate for 25+ years, if ever. But my brain goes there sometimes.
Then, over the summer it started getting better. He was more willing to interact with me even while Heath was around. I began to think maybe we were at the end of this phase. But come fall, the favoritism started up again WITH A VENGEANCE. It's as bad as it ever was. He does fine with me when Heath's gone, but in the evenings and on the weekends it's All Daddy. Heath can't even go to the bathroom for 2 minutes without Ben throwing a fit. And he takes shorter naps because he knows Heath's home, so he wants to play.
Luckily Heath usually doesn't mind being the center of attention all weekend. He has the stamina to keep up with Ben and I know he misses seeing him as much during the week. And while I still appreciate the break from Ben duty, it really stings when he refuses to play with me and just cries for Daddy.
This is sort of a long winded way of explaining why I've only posted one blog entry this month. We've been going through a hard time with the favoritism and I haven't felt much like blogging about the little boy who's rejecting me at every turn. He's just as cute as ever and is talking up a storm. This is just something I need to be okay with. Especially since the woman from Parents As Teachers told me that around 2.5-3 kids usually start to identify with and favor the same sex parent. Gosh, I knew Ben was smart but I didn't realize he was that ahead of the curve.
Then, over the summer it started getting better. He was more willing to interact with me even while Heath was around. I began to think maybe we were at the end of this phase. But come fall, the favoritism started up again WITH A VENGEANCE. It's as bad as it ever was. He does fine with me when Heath's gone, but in the evenings and on the weekends it's All Daddy. Heath can't even go to the bathroom for 2 minutes without Ben throwing a fit. And he takes shorter naps because he knows Heath's home, so he wants to play.
Luckily Heath usually doesn't mind being the center of attention all weekend. He has the stamina to keep up with Ben and I know he misses seeing him as much during the week. And while I still appreciate the break from Ben duty, it really stings when he refuses to play with me and just cries for Daddy.
This is sort of a long winded way of explaining why I've only posted one blog entry this month. We've been going through a hard time with the favoritism and I haven't felt much like blogging about the little boy who's rejecting me at every turn. He's just as cute as ever and is talking up a storm. This is just something I need to be okay with. Especially since the woman from Parents As Teachers told me that around 2.5-3 kids usually start to identify with and favor the same sex parent. Gosh, I knew Ben was smart but I didn't realize he was that ahead of the curve.
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