He'll never live down this story

On Tuesday we had playgroup at a children's resale shop near our house. They have a big play area and couches for the parents. They're also very lenient about kids running around the store, so I wasn't worried when I didn't see Ben for a few minutes. Eventually I did go looking for him and found him sitting on a potty they had for sale. I thought he was just sitting on it for fun, to make his friend laugh, but then I noticed his pants around his ankles. And THEN, through his legs I noticed a very LARGE pile of poop in the potty. The boy who asks me to turn my back when we're in a public restroom stall had pooped right there in the middle of the store.

Never leave a man behind... unless he's covered in someone else's urine

Ben's interest in trains has suddenly sky rocketed. It had been waning for a while, which made me regret his Christmas present - a huge train table that takes up half our living room. But all of a sudden last week he decided that the only thing he wants to do (besides eat mac & cheese and ride his tricycle to the park) is play trains. Fine with me. Most of the time he doesn't want me to participate so I can sometimes slip away and read or do dishes for a few minutes before he notices I'm gone. Then he comes looking for me saying, "Mommy, come play trains with me." But what that really means is, "Mommy, come sit on the couch and watch me play trains. No, you can't check Twitter on your phone or even put your feet up on the couch. Just sit and watch."

This means that various trains have been accompanying us around town. Well, last week we went to McDonald's and I had to change Ben's diaper before we ate. The changing table was in the handicapped stall and the previous occupant had decided against flushing the toilet. Why waste the energy, right? While I got ready, Ben wandered over to the toilet and before I could stop him, he threw Thomas in. I have no idea what would possess him to do that, but I grabbed Henry out of his other hand, before he fell victim to the same fate.

When we're at the playground with the trains I keep a close eye on them. Those suckers are expensive and we've already lost a couple. However, I could not bring myself to stick my hand into an un-flushed public toilet to rescue Thomas. Not happening.

On the bright side, Ben didn't even seem to care much that we left the train. We did have two other Thomases at home. It must've been fairly confusing for the next person in the bathroom, though.

Only a few of you will understand this

The other night the three of us were driving home and Heath and I were having some inane argument. I won't get into the details, but I will say that I was obviously right and he was obviously wrong. Hey, it's my blog! :) However, as anyone who knows Heath knows, he won't stop arguing... well, ever. So he made some point which, to him, was the nail in the coffin and he said, "Pwn3d!" Then he said to Ben, "Can you say P is for Pwn3d?" And, of course, because Ben's in a serious parrot stage he said some toddler version of "P is for Pwn3d."

Heath managed to keep the car on the road, but just barely for all his whooping and celebrating.

For the uninitiated, "pwn3d" is basically an internet way of saying, "You suck. I'm right."

Score!

Last night we went to Red Lobster with Ian and Bekah. Heath teases us about how as a family we always have to go there or Olive Garden, so my grandma sent us a gift card. She's an enabler!

So, despite bringing several toys to distract Ben, the dinner went pretty much like any dinner out with a toddler goes. In other words, not great. He was whiny at the table so Heath and I had to tag team taking him to the lobby or outside to run around (mostly Heath, since he's still the favorite and when Daddy's around Ben wants nobody else). When our food finally came he was fine and chowed down on his macaroni and cheese (a Red Lobster specialty), but as soon as HE was done, dinner was over.

Eventually we got the check and when Ian looked at it he realized the waiter had only put his and Bekah's food on there. So we flagged him down and explained the check situation. Then he told us that an anonymous person had paid for my, Heath's and Ben's meals because they were so impressed with how we handled Ben. We couldn't believe it! That was probably $50! I've received free drinks a couple times because a person bought the entire bar a round, but never a free dinner!

And we retained our Red Lobster gift card!

Foodie

Most kids have their picky eating habits, I'm sure, although I'm a big believer in letting/making a kid try everything. Ben doesn't know kids aren't supposed to like black olives or catfish and he's eaten both with gusto (despite the fact that I wouldn't eat either). I don't think it's necessary for a kid to live on mac and cheese and peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. And Ben's a fairly adventurous eater, though there are some things he absolutely refuses to eat. His biggest issue right now is presentation. Apparently he's channeling the Food Network.

Recently we were at a neighborhood meeting. There were a lot of kids in the room, but Ben was sitting on my lap while I was listening to the speaker. He wanted a snack so I pulled out a piece of bread and, obviously not thinking, ripped it, presenting half to him. Well, that just didn't sit well with him so he SCREAMED. I had ruined his snack. He did the same thing when I split a bagel for him. And don't get me started on when I combined his peas with his mac and cheese. Let's just say there was a lot of manual removal of peas.

However, the weirdest one is that I bought the same brand of turkey I always buy, but in a different package. When I pulled it out Ben absolutely refused to eat it. But when I pulled out the normal package of turkey he happily chowed down.

It's like Sisyphus, but with plastic chairs

Sometimes Ben gets into these frenzies, where he becomes super concentrated on one weird task. Like the pajama rituals. Well, this weekend he became fixated on his plastic table and chair set. He was obsessed with putting all three chairs on the table, even though it was impossible. So he'd stack two, but then the third one would inevitably push another one off the table, so it began all over again. Heath and I watched him do it for at least 20 minutes and he didn't even seem to notice we were there. He was too focused on the goal.

Strong!

The pajama rituals

Last month I posted about Ben's love of playing with his pajamas. Well, he's taken it to a new level. First of all, the play sessions are getting longer. I've seen him entertained by his pajamas for 30-40 minutes. Second, he's incorporating more pairs. Now he gets out three or four at a time.

However, the ultimate was last week. He had three pairs out and was playing with them like usual. Then he piled them all in the middle of the room. He gathered a few toys and placed them around the pile. Finally he ran around them in a circle a few times. I was expecting a portal to open up and suck us into another world!

Ben the boozehound

We've noticed a pattern in Ben's behavior. He looooooves alcohol. What, doesn't everyone do Jager bombs with their kid?

Okay, of course we don't give Ben alcohol, but he is strangely attracted to it. If we're at a party he always goes for the cooler of beer, not the cooler of soda. When we went to the zoo to look at the Christmas lights, as soon as we let him out of his stroller he made a beeline for the Bud Light cart. And there have now been two instances of Ben grabbing an open bottle of wine off the bottom shelf of the fridge, pulling out the stopper and spilling wine everywhere. One time it wasn't so bad, but the second time he spilled half the bottle. His socks and pants got soaked because he proceeded to stomp around and play in it. Who doesn't want their kid to smell like Riesling?

I'll be talking about this in 30 years when Ben's a super scientist or a serial killer

Ben has a new habit which, basically, is playing with his dirty laundry. Specifically his pajamas. He digs them out of the hamper and then examines them. Seriously, he'll just examine the hems and the zippers, not even really paying attention to the designs (though he seems somewhat partial to his dinosaur pajamas). Sometimes he'll just carry them around, or try to place them somewhere. "Place" is in italics because it's a very precise practice. I've seen him make infinitesimal adjustments to the placement of the pajamas. A little nudge here, move it to the left a smidge. Perfect. We've created a neurotic.

Rent-a-toddler

Tuesday night we went to Olive Garden for dinner. There wasn't anything spectacular about the meal. We didn't save anyone from choking or leave a gigantic tip or anything. But as we were walking out the hostess stopped Heath. She cooed and laughed at Ben for a minute and then she gave Heath a coupon for $5 off our next meal.

Apparently all you have to do to get free coupons is bring a cute toddler. This has money-making possibilities...

Strangest comment I've gotten about Ben

Random woman at the YMCA:

"You're too pretty to be a boy."

?!