Brothers

They say you have your first child for yourself and your second child for your first child. In a way I think that's totally true and watching Ben and Sam's relationship blossom has been really fun.

Unfortunately for Ben, right now Sam's not the best playmate. We call him Wreck-It Sam because while Ben loves to build, Sam currently loves to knock things down. Sometimes that's ok, because Ben will build towers specifically for Sam to knock over. But, of course, sometimes Ben's really into building a rocket out of Duplos or constructing a train track and Sam, the tornado of destruction, comes through and destroys everything. Ben's not so happy at those moments and I don't blame him... But there's a small part of me that gets schadenfreude from it because that's exactly what it was like when Ben came into our lives. I don't even remember what it's like to have bookcases or shelves full of things I enjoy. It will still be YEARS before I feel comfortable having our (rather extensive) game collection within easy reach. So I don't feel too bad for Ben when Sam wrecks his creations, especially when I've told him REPEATEDLY if he wants Sam to stay away from it he needs to do it in his room or at the table.

Ok, I'm getting off-topic... I think in a year or two, once Sam can really run and is actually able to participate in building AND destroying, he and Ben are going to have a lot of fun. But I'm so impressed with how good Ben is with Sam already. Yes, there is toy stealing and pushing and yelling sometimes. But there's also lots of hugging and kissing and snack sharing. This morning Ben heard Sam waking up and while I was in the bathroom he went into Sam's room of his own volition and was giving Sam toys in his crib. He protects Sam from other kids and tries to include him in games at home. It's really sweet.

I find having two kids this young very hard sometimes (most of the time), but I'm glad they have each other.

Scorecard

It's been a hard winter in the Borders household, sickness-wise. It seems like every week or two we're getting hit with something new. Here's how it stands since October:

Ear Infections - 3: Ben (2), Sam (1)
Hand-foot-mouth virus - 3: Ben, Sam, Heath
Pink eye - 1: Ben
Various colds - 4+: Everyone, especially Heath, who had a cold for what seemed like a month.
Stomach flu - 3: Me, Sam, Ben

Heath also switched jobs in the midst of all that, so that brought stress of its own. We're all healthy right now, but the boys and I are headed down to Phoenix next Thursday to visit my parents, brother and sister-in-law, so I'm sure some new, horrible ailment will turn up before then.

Luckily, so far Heath and I have managed not to be sick at the same time. However, that does mean that we're both pretty exhausted. In March we're going to Florida with Heath's family and that should be lovely. A week of lazy days laying on the beach with lots of people around to watch my kids. Perfect.

Walkin' man

Sam is very slowly starting to realize that getting on the floor, crawling to his destination and then standing up again isn't the most efficient mode of locomotion. So he's been dabbling in the arena of walking. But, since it's Sam, he has to do it his own way. About half the time he's walking he walks sideways. I assume it's because when cruising around he walks sideways, holding onto a table or couch. He does walk forward, as well, but a lot of the time he shuffles sideways.

Of course there's still much falling which means Sam gets to practice being DRAMA QUEEN EXTRAORDINAIRE! Every little bump or plop requires crying and whining and thumb sucking. But he's getting better. It's strange to have someone only two and a half feet tall walking around the house. He's up to about a 50-50 split on crawling and walking. His newest discovery is that if he's walking he can HOLD SOMETHING while he moves. Awesome!

So we're getting there. Soon he'll be walking all the time. It will mean I'll lose my Mommy Biceps (which are nicely defined from carrying around 25 pounds all day long), but I can handle that if it means my back and shoulders and knees get a break. We're inching toward full-blown toddler-hood!

Sure to become a holiday classic

Ben's rendition of a Christmas favorite:

Jingle poop
Jingle poop
Jingle poop poop poop
Oh what poop it is to poop
In a one-poop open poop, POOP!

Ah, life with a 4 year old boy.

First haircut

Before

After

Freedom!

We are now bottle free! I was actually very nervous about this transition, because a few weeks ago I tried to give Sam oatmeal before his morning bottle and he was having NONE of that. He absolutely refused to eat the oatmeal, which he normally loves, and even without words he made it very clear that he will drink his bottle first, thankyouverymuch. So the prospect of taking away ALL his bottles FOREVER seemed very daunting.

However, he completely surprised me because it's been absolutely no problem. The day after his birthday I started weaning him from his bottle feedings one at a time, replacing them with snacks or milk and by this Tuesday we were done. We came downstairs that morning and he drank his milk and ate his oatmeal like a champ. Cue Mommy breathing a sigh of relief.

No more buying expensive formula, no more lugging around bottles and cleaning bottles constantly. I have counter space back! No more spit-up (now just regular ol' vomit which, while way more gross is also way more rare)! Most of the trappings of baby-hood are gone and once Sam starts walking full-time all we'll have left is potty training and then we'll have two big boys! I cannot wait.

Sick sick sick

Remember how, in Sam's birthday letter I was singing his praises? How he's such a happy, independent, easy-going kid? Normally he is, but when he's sick he is the EXACT OPPOSITE of all those things. He's super whiny, super clingy, doesn't eat, doesn't sleep, is basically miserable to be around.

I bring this up because Sam's having a milestone: Baby's First Ear Infection. On Sunday night he slept from 7:30pm-1am and then only off and on until 6am. Since Heath was in Colorado for work it wasn't a pleasant night for me. So we took a field trip to the doctor's office on Monday and discovered the culprit. As the nurse was looking in his ears I was silently chanting, "Ear infection! Ear infection! Ear infection!" I suppose it seems strange to want your child to be sick, but it's a REASON for the fever and crabbiness and not sleeping. And there are drugs to STOP IT. If there's no infection then you're just on your own to endure the misery.

Luckily (for me) there was an infection so we got our drugs and Sam's getting better, though he's still grumpy, probably partly from lack of sleep. This is why I now hate winter. Constant sickness. And with two kids it's just back to back to back to back.

I can't wait until Sam's older and when he's sick he'll just lay on the couch and watch TV. Those days are nice.

The first One for boy Two

Dear Sam,

It's your first birthday letter! I'm so excited to write this for you. You are such a happy, content, easy-going little guy. Your shy smile charms everyone you meet. Only adding to your appeal, you're also extremely affectionate. I've been on the receiving end of countless sloppy baby kisses, drool sliding down my cheek when you're done. When I pick you up from your crib you throw your arms around my neck and put your head on my shoulders. I never want to forget that feeling. I hope you can always be so unabashedly open about your emotions.

We've learned a lot about you this year. We learned you hate getting dressed with a fiery passion and you're not too thrilled about having your diaper changed, either. The changing table isn't a happy place for you. Unless I give you a book to peruse. Then you forget about the humiliations happening to your lower half. You love books! For a couple months now you've been picking out books and bringing them to me to read. Then we proceed to read them approximately 5,000 times each. And even though one of your all-time favorite activities is making sure Ben's bookshelf is clear and all the books are on the floor, where they belong, you're actually fairly gentle with the books. I don't think you've ripped a page yet. You did destroy a couple board books, but to be fair Ben contributed to that eventual destruction a good amount when he was your age.

We've learned you love blueberries and knocking down block towers and playing the piano. But the biggest thing we've learned about you so far is that you're STUBBORN. You will not hold your bottle. You're completely capable of it. You drink from a sippy cup all the time, but why hold your own bottle when Mommy or Daddy will do it for you? Joke's on you, Baby, the bottle's going bye-bye soon... I'm trying to think of another concrete example of your stubbornness, but I can't. It's more like you've just got this quiet defiance about you. Not defiance like a teenager, but more a determination to do things your own way, no matter what everyone else does or what's expected of you. Your crawling style is a good example. You crawl with your right leg curled underneath you and your left leg stuck straight out to the side, foot dragging on the floor. It looks bizarre, but it works for you and you've gotten pretty fast that way. In the last couple weeks you've been crawling more in the conventional way and just this week you seem to have switched to it entirely. It's faster, easier and more streamlined, allowing access into tunnels and between chairs the way the one-leg-out method didn't. Hopefully that means in the future, when presented with a better option you'll evaluate it and eventually give up your own stubborn way if it isn't working.

So let's talk about Ben. Mommy and Daddy may be your favorite people for snuggles, but Ben is your favorite playmate. Nobody else can make you laugh like he can. His exuberance and silliness get you every time. Almost from day one you've known he was special. Before you could even sit up you would watch his every move. When he enters a room your face lights up. Ben finally has a full-time partner to play Chase. You do your best and even though you can't crawl fast enough to keep up it's pure joy for you when Ben wants you to play. Soon you'll be toddling after him and before you know it you'll catch him. Watching your relationship with Ben blossom has been one of the best things about this year. I'm glad you have each other. I know you're not always going to get along, but I hope you keep making each other laugh.

You have been the perfect second baby. From the time you were born you were subject to the schedule we already had set up, but it never phased you. I dragged you around in the car seat to preschool, to the Y, to the playground, to the grocery store and as long as you were fed and could get a little shut eye you were fine. You're a great sleeper. You're a great eater. You can entertain yourself. You've been a joy. I can't wait to see what things we learn about you in the coming year. I'm so glad you're in our family.

Love,
Mommy

A bathroom story with a happy ending

A while ago I was waiting in line for the restroom and in walked a woman with her son. Not so unusual, except for the fact that the boy must've been about 10 years old. He looked mortified and I was a little uncomfortable with it, too. As the mother of two young boys it got me thinking about when it would be appropriate to send a boy into a public restroom by himself. I've talked about this with some other mothers and most think 10 is too old to be in a women's room, but the fact that some people DON'T just weirds me out.

This all brings me to the fact that I sent Ben into a public restroom by himself last week. We were having lunch at St. Louis Bread Co. and halfway through the meal Ben said he had to go to the potty. All our food was laid out, as well as our coats on the chairs and my bag on the floor. Sam was happily eating his lunch and I didn't want to disrupt him by dragging us and all our shit into the bathroom.

So I quickly assessed the situation and decided Ben could go on his own. I walked him to the men's restroom and told him to meet us at the table when he was done. And guess what happened? He went to the bathroom and came back. No abductions, no injuries, no molestations.

Now, not every 4 year old could necessarily do that. If a kid gets nervous by himself or is very timid around strangers it might not work out. But Ben's pretty mature and he's not shy at all about asking people for help and he doesn't get scared easily. I knew he'd be able to handle it.

I'm proud of myself for not giving in to the culture of fear that permeates parenting these days. I know my kid and what he's capable of and I used that as my guide, not baseless mistrust of everyone around me. Hopefully more parents will start doing that.

A first!

On Sunday evening Sam took his first two steps! He and Heath were playing and Heath stood him up. He can stand on his own pretty steadily now. Heath was enticing him to walk with a cookie and he took two tiny steps and then fell into Heath's lap.

I was actually very surprised when he took those steps because so far he's shown absolutely no interest in walking. Whenever I try to hold his hands and get him to walk he just squats down and starts crawling. The only timeline he's interested in is his own and walking is not on it right now. I think the steps were only a fluke. It'll probably be a few weeks or more before he starts walking in earnest. But, still it's worth documenting.