Hope

Today, while reading an article about a New Yorker's experience on September 11, 2001, the thought struck me: Will Ben learn about 9/11 today? Do they talk about it with kindergartners?

We've never told him, because there's never been a reason. We weren't personally affected by it and it's not exactly a conversation you have with a 3 year old.

But it got me thinking... Ben lives in a pretty nice world right now. He lives in a world without 9/11 and assassinations and Nazis and slavery and all the other atrocities committed throughout human history. But he's going to learn about those things, and probably very soon. If not this year then maybe next. And I want him to learn about them, and think critically about them and become a knowledgeable human being... But... It's just hard imagining my children learning about those things.

Ben's not nearly as sensitive to stimuli as I am, but I remember in 8th grade when we did a whole unit on WWII it was pretty emotional for me. I couldn't - and still can't, really - believe that people would do such unthinkable things for, what? Power? It makes absolutely NO sense to me. And the idea of my children feeling that hurt for people who died long ago... Well, I was going to say I didn't want them to feel that pain, but maybe I do. I want them to be empathetic people, but unfortunately that does mean taking on a lot of pain that's not directly your own.

There are hard conversations in our parenting future and while I don't love the idea of my childrens' innocence being shattered by the reality of how horrible people can be, I do relish the idea that I get to explain how we can be better than that.

Welcome to Avery Kindergarten!

Ben started kindergarten almost two weeks ago and so far it's been amazing. I assumed he'd enjoy it, especially once we found out his best friend and another friend from the neighborhood were in his class. I also assumed the transition would be a little bumpy. He's never done a full-day program before, so I was expecting him to be a tired, grumpy mess when he got home from school. However, I've been very pleasantly surprised. Completely unexpectedly, his attitude actually seems to have gotten better. Over the summer there was lots of fighting with Sam and whining and throwing tantrums (yes, even 5 year olds have tantrums now and again), but now that he's in school he's playing nicer with his brother and being fairly cooperative. Nobody's perfect, so of course he still has Moments, but overall he's been very pleasant.

It was a bit baffling to me at first, but when I started thinking about it I realized that he probably just wasn't getting enough extrovert time. Over the summer we were subject to Sam's naps, which meant he spent most afternoons with only me. And by the afternoon I was jonesin' for some introvert time, so more often than not he spent afternoons playing video games by himself. Going to school and being surrounded by classmates for seven hours a day must be like a breath of fresh air for him.

The idea that being in school restores him is ALSO baffling to me, but I'm so glad for it because it allows me to restore, as well. And I think that's the other piece of the puzzle. While Ben gets his extrovert tank filled at school, I get my introvert tank filled at home while Sam naps. So when we finally come back together at 3pm we're both feeling happier and more content, which obviously leads to a more peaceful co-existence. It's lovely.

Another lovely side effect of kindergarten is that it seems to have... opened up his brain. Since about age 4 he's been pretty resistant to us teaching him anything, like reading, math, etc. But now he doesn't seem as annoyed when Heath asks him math questions or I ask him to read something. And the other morning over breakfast he and I had a GREAT conversation. It started with him asking about ice ages and over about 10 minutes it morphed into talking about climate change, the origins of humans, evolution and why people have different skin colors. It was the best conversation we've ever had and it was truly a give and take. It wasn't just me lecturing him. It was amazing and three weeks ago I never would've imagined it.

So Ben is definitely flourishing in school and it's hard for me to express in words how wonderful it is to watch. It fills my heart to see him maturing and growing into the person he will be. It's absolutely amazing.

Growing up

Ben is growing up. Kindergarten registration starts next week. On one hand I'm very ready for him to go to school. As I've mentioned before, Ben and I are very different, and I think more time away will help us appreciate each other more. And Ben is totally ready, too. He loves school and he's so excited. I think he needs more social interaction than I'm providing, so school is going to be perfect for that.

On the other hand... it's that "my baby's going to kindergarten" thing. He won't actually start until August, but signing him up is the first step in putting him on that conveyor belt that will eventually take him away from me. It makes my heart hurt a little.

He's been maturing. Sometimes we can have actually interesting conversations. Most of our conversations are about Super Mario Brothers, which he finds endlessly fascinating and me not so much, but occasionally he'll ask what things mean or how things work and when I explain he actually GETS IT. That's fun.

He can also be a big help with Sam. At dinner last Sunday Sam didn't want to eat any more of his hot dog. Heath and I both tried to no avail. So Ben grabbed the fork, pretended it was a train and got Sam to eat!

And now that we've entered a tantrum-y phase with Sam, Ben seems to have sensed that I can't handle two kids who are acting up. So he's been more obedient and helpful lately, which is AWESOME. Especially because he's getting big enough to do actual helpful things. He can get a snack for himself and Sam, he can pour milk, he can wash his own hands, dress himself, brush his own teeth. It's really neat to watch him become more independent, and to see his pride when he accomplishes something all by himself. He's been practicing tying his shoes and though he's not quite there yet, he's been getting better and it makes me proud to see him keeping at it, even when it's frustrating.

School age is the time I've been looking forward to since Ben was born. They're independent and can handle most self care on their own, but they're not so old that they don't want to hang out with you. I'm sure there will still be hurdles and plenty of frustrations, but I'm hoping it's going to be more fun and enjoyable than the baby/toddler stage.

My turn

In Ben, Heath has a mini-me. Their personalities and the way they think are pretty much the same. I've often been envious of that, but it does mean that when Ben does something annoying that I just know Heath would've done as a kid I get to say, "This is YOUR fault." :)

Well, Heath will probably get to turn the tables in the next few years, because since turning one, Sam has revealed that he's a lot like me. He's sensitive. If another kid is crying, even someone he doesn't know, he seems concerned and will even go over and try to help. It's especially evident if Ben's upset.

Sam definitely seems more introverted than Ben or Heath. He can entertain himself and he seems content on his own for a while. My patented method of getting Ben to come with me, which basically just involves me leaving the room, doesn't work as well with Sam. Sometimes he'll come running after, but sometimes he's just like, "Whatever. I wanted some privacy anyway."

It's interesting to watch how Sam changes depending on who's home. If Heath and Ben are there he runs around like a crazy person, wanting to keep up with them. But if it's just the two of us he's much calmer and quieter and more likely to focus on something.

It's exciting to think of having a kid more like me. I love Ben dearly and am amazed by the things he says and does, but our personalities clash in a lot of ways and it's very hard for me to deal with the constant talking. Just like Heath, he brings things into my life that I never would've done or seen on my own, but it'll be wonderful to have a child with whom I can just share comfortable silence.

The State of Ben (at 4.5 years)

Ben is discovery. A few weeks ago he was painting while I washed dishes and all of a sudden he exclaimed, "Mom! Come look at this!" I went over and he said, "When I mixed red and yellow it made ORANGE!" He was so in awe and proud of that discovery that it was impossible for me not to share his excitement. He stumbled upon this essential fact of life and he UNDERSTOOD that it was important. It was amazing to witness that moment.

Ben is sweet. A couple months ago we were talking about sign language and I showed Ben the sign for "I love you." So now, randomly, he'll call out, "Mom!" Then he'll show me that sign.

Ben is jealous. Because Ben goes to preschool three days a week I have a fair amount of time alone with Sam and not much time alone with Ben. And since Ben can accomplish most simple tasks on his own I have to help Sam more than him. It's not going unnoticed. There's a certain amount of "You're a big boy and Sam's still little. He can't do things on his own like you can," that calms Ben, but after a while that just doesn't cut it. That's when Ben starts grunting and making noises instead of words and crawling on the floor. I've recently started making more of an effort to have Ben and Mommy time.

Ben is obsessed. I have this habit of becoming obsessed with media. Books, movies, music, games... At one point I've been obsessed with all of them. Ben seems to have inherited that trait, though only for games so far. First it was Angry Birds, then Plants vs. Zombies, then watching Heath play Portal. Now he's OBSESSED with playing Super Mario Brothers Wii. This makes Heath very happy.

Ben is fun. He's finally to an age where we can start doing things fun for kids and adults. Heath has taken him golfing and indoor rock climbing. I've taken him to movies and musicals and the art museum. He can ride some roller coasters and bigger rides. He's almost to an age where we can start playing better board games. I can't wait until all four of us can genuinely enjoy activities together.

The State of Sam (at 15 months)

Height: 32.5 in. - 95th percentile
Weight: 26 lbs. 8 oz. - 95th percentile
Head circumference: 47.5 cm - 75th percentile

Sam is all floaty blond hair and blue-gray eyes that everyone always comments on. He's getting that mischievous toddler nature and will look back at me and giggle before he does something he's not supposed to.

Sam is trying to keep up with his big brother. He's confident in his walking, so he's speeding things up, which results in a lot of falling. But sometimes he's just standing there not moving at all and suddenly he'll be on the floor. I always say, "The Earth moved so he fell."

Sam's favorites right now include bananas, opening and closing the microwave, climbing the stairs, playing in the toy kitchen and reading Sandra Boynton books.

Sam is dancy! He flaps his chubby hands and moves his chubby feet along to the alphabet and counting songs that stream from his toys constantly. Even in the grocery store he'll bob up and down in the cart when he hears a song he likes. It's delightful, since Ben had absolutely no interest in dancing at this age. Sam and Avery will cut a rug together.

Sam is snuggly. Sometimes we'll be playing and he just comes up and gives me a hug. And when he's tired he pops his thumb into his mouth and lays his head on my shoulder.

Sam is independent. He wanders around the house and plays by himself like a champ. After SUPER-CLINGY-I-NEVER-WANT-TO-BE-AWAY-FROM-YOU Ben, it's a breath of fresh air. But if he hears the dishwasher open he comes runnin'.

Sam takes a while to warm up to new situations. He has to survey everything and get the lay of the land before he dives in.

Sam is smiley, silly, go-with-the-flow and happy. He'd fit right in at a Jimmy Buffet concert.

Sick sick sick

Remember how, in Sam's birthday letter I was singing his praises? How he's such a happy, independent, easy-going kid? Normally he is, but when he's sick he is the EXACT OPPOSITE of all those things. He's super whiny, super clingy, doesn't eat, doesn't sleep, is basically miserable to be around.

I bring this up because Sam's having a milestone: Baby's First Ear Infection. On Sunday night he slept from 7:30pm-1am and then only off and on until 6am. Since Heath was in Colorado for work it wasn't a pleasant night for me. So we took a field trip to the doctor's office on Monday and discovered the culprit. As the nurse was looking in his ears I was silently chanting, "Ear infection! Ear infection! Ear infection!" I suppose it seems strange to want your child to be sick, but it's a REASON for the fever and crabbiness and not sleeping. And there are drugs to STOP IT. If there's no infection then you're just on your own to endure the misery.

Luckily (for me) there was an infection so we got our drugs and Sam's getting better, though he's still grumpy, probably partly from lack of sleep. This is why I now hate winter. Constant sickness. And with two kids it's just back to back to back to back.

I can't wait until Sam's older and when he's sick he'll just lay on the couch and watch TV. Those days are nice.

Personality 101

I've talked a lot about Ben being an extrovert and it's because so much of what makes him happy and comfortable is exactly the opposite of what makes me happy and comfortable. I see an empty park and I sigh with relief. He sees an empty park and doesn't even want to play. It puts us at odds a lot, so it's something that's on my mind.

However, I'm guessing that in a lot of ways, parenting an extroverted child is easier. I never have to goad him to play with other kids. He was never uncomfortable going to school. We rarely have to deal with him being shy. I almost feel like I'm being "racist" against my own people saying that, but it's true.

It will be ironic if I get my wish and Sam is an introvert, because though I know how to be an introvert, I'm sure parenting one is a whole different thing. At least I'll understand when he just wants to sit and read on a bench while Ben's running wild at the playground. But now I also understand why my parents forced me to do a year of soccer and a year of softball and a year of dance. None of those activities really stuck, but they forced me out of my head for a little while.

However, the fact is, I'm not ready to make a call on Sam's introverted vs. extroverted personality. He's definitely calmer than I remember Ben being, and sometimes when he's a little fussy or squirmy he just wants to sit by himself. He plays well on his own for a while, but ultimately he wants to be with us most of the time. So who knows. It's going to be interesting to see what he's like as he gets older, and how he and Ben interact and bounce off each other.

Perfectionism

In so many ways Ben is a Little Heath. They have similar temperaments and similar interests. However, every so often I see evidence that he's my son, too (aside from the fact that he CAME OUT OF ME). Ben has always been a very meticulous kid. He likes to line things up just so and if you mess with something he's organized he gets very perturbed. That is so me.

Lately it's been turning into perfectionism. He was drawing on his Magna Doodle and I noticed that one of the shapes he made looked like an uppercase "D." I pointed it out and asked if he wanted to try to draw it again. He did it a few more times and did it pretty well. So I asked if he wanted to learn other letters and he said "E". He did that one okay and then he asked to learn how to write "Ben." I was getting pretty excited because I was teaching him something and he was interested in learning. "N" went okay, but it all broke down with "B." Admittedly, it's a hard letter to write, with the two bumps, but when he couldn't do it perfectly the first time he got SO MAD. (That's more Heath than me. I'll usually give it a few tries before I want to give up.) He said, "I'm not good at this!" So we had our first talk about practicing and getting better. The interesting thing is that he didn't want to give up. He wanted to get it right. He tried it a few more times, but he was getting really frustrated so I made him stop.

I'm sad that he has this burden of perfectionism, because it's a hard road to travel, but it's a trait Heath and I both share so he had little chance of avoiding it. But at least this means he'll probably be a hard worker in school. I'd much rather make a kid stop studying and goof off than have to fight him to do homework every night.

The Cult of the Helicopter Parent

For anyone not parenting right now, you might not be aware that the expectations for parenting have become much more "hands on." Gone are the days of (as my mother said) throwing your kids out of the house until lunch and then throwing them out of the house again until dinner. It's partly due to fear of kidnapping*, partly due to the fact that a lot of households are two income, so kids are at daycare and partly due to this idea that you should be entertaining/providing "teaching moments" for your kids all the time. I read an article recently that claimed working mothers today spend more time with their children than stay-at-home mothers did in the 50's. I don't know if that's actually true, but it seems possible.

At first I bought into all that. Of course, you can't really leave an infant alone very long, but you don't always have to be entertaining him. However, with Ben I pretty much did that. Sometimes I would work around the house with him as my shadow, but usually I'd wait until he was asleep or Heath was home to finish the bulk of my chores. As you can imagine that was both tiring and boring, and it also taught Ben that we'll ALWAYS play with him. So lately I've been trying to do some re-training and teach Ben to play by himself. It hasn't been easy because he's like Heath - he never wants to be alone. Just yesterday he chose to sit in the bathroom and do nothing while I took a shower, rather than play in his room by himself for 10 minutes.

Right now we're in that in-between stage where he's not quite ready to give up his afternoon naps, but sometimes he's not tired enough for one. So on those days we have a rule that if he doesn't nap he has one hour of quiet time in his room. At first it was a disaster. "Quiet time" was really "crying time." Then he stopped the crying, but he would scream and yell and jump on his bed. Now I think we've finally gotten to the point where he understands and is usually fairly good with it. He'll play in his room by himself, but he has yet to make it an entire hour without calling for me or coming out of his room.

I've also been trying to play with him less throughout the day. Even typing that sentence feels so WRONG, like all the other parents are judging me. But considering that I used to play with him ALL DAY LONG, I'm trying to be fine with it. He's pretty content sometimes to play by himself if I'm in the same room. So if I'm doing dishes or cooking he'll color or play Play-Doh at the kitchen table. If I'm folding laundry in the living room, he'll play trains, etc. Most of the time he still expects us to entertain him, but he's getting better. Even extroverts need to learn how to be by themselves sometimes.

I hope I can continue this in my parenting, encouraging independence despite pressure from society or other parents to keep an eye on my kids at all times. We live in a safe neighborhood, with a nice playground two blocks away and Ben's future elementary school just down the street. I feel like he should be able to walk or bike around by himself by third or fourth grade. I just don't know if he'll have any other kids to walk or bike with.


*Seriously. I've talked to a lot of different mothers in the past three and a half years and the vast majority are very reluctant to let their kids out of their sight for any length of time for this reason.

World's Best Brother

Even though we had a pretty rocky start, with sickness and moodiness, I'm so happy and proud with the way Ben has adjusted to Sam's presence. Even in the very beginning he never took his negative feelings out on Sam. Ben has loved him right from the start.

At first he liked helping us wash out the bottles, but that ended pretty quickly. However, he hugs and kisses Sam all the time, tells him, "It'll be okay, Sam," when he's crying and introduces Sam to his various toys. Naturally there are still times when he feels jealous and tells us to put Sam down and play with him. I've tried to explain to Ben that after he wakes up from his nap and Sam's still sleeping, that's the time I can give him my full attention. He hasn't quite grasped that concept yet, though, and always asks to watch TV during that time. Then later he gets mad when I can't play trains because I have to feed Sam. We're working on it.

The cutest thing happened a few weekends ago, when we took them both to the YMCA nursery for the first time. Apparently the entire time they were in there Ben was protecting Sam and telling the other kids not to touch him. He's looking out for his little brother.

All about Sam

Sam had his two month check up last week.

Weight: 12 lbs. 12 oz. - 60th percentile
Height: 23 1/4 inches - 50th percentile
Head circumference: 39 cm. - 50th percentile

I can't believe he's two months old. It doesn't seem possible he's that old, but it also feels like we've been doing this forever. He had his first immunizations and he was not happy with the experience. He ran a little fever afterward (which is normal) and was a pretty grumpy guy the rest of the day (which is also normal after shots, but not normal for him). Luckily both the fever and the grumpiness vanished by the next day.

We are slowly learning more about Sam's personality. So far he's a fairly serious guy. He's been smiling for a few weeks now, but they're rare, so I haven't been able to capture one on camera. Usually he just stares at you like he's sizing you up. Unless he's tired, hungry or wet he's pretty calm. Not a lot of fussiness for no discernible reason. And the sleeping! Let me tell you about the sleeping! I've put off writing about it, because I feel superstitious and DO NOT want to jinx it, but Sam is an awesome sleeper. He usually only wakes up once or twice a night and he's given us a solid seven hours of sleep on more than one occasion. In addition, all on his own he fell into the routine of taking a long afternoon nap which coincides with his brother's. It's honestly more than I dreamed possible because Ben was such a horrible sleeper for so long. Now, that's not to say I'm not tired. After all, I do have a three year old who's still not the best sleeper and almost always wakes up once or twice a night, and a husband who snores. But I am so, so, so grateful that Sam sleeps well. And I try to remember that on the nights he doesn't sleep so well.

So Sammy's doing great! He rolled over for the first time at 31 days old - no joke! I wouldn't have believed it if I wasn't right there, but all three of us witnessed it. It was another few weeks before he did it again, but he can roll from his stomach to his back pretty reliably now. He's had a cold for the last week and he finally seems to be on the upswing. I'm glad, because baby coughs are so sad.

Here are some recent pictures:

Playing favorites

Fairly recently my mother reminded me about one of my biggest complaints in childhood. I had actually forgotten about it, but as a kid it always really bothered me that I didn't have a "partner" in our family. My parents had each other. My brothers had each other. I felt left out.

Remembering that feeling made me realize that I was feeling the same thing watching Ben favor Heath all these years. I've felt left out of my own family. And having to take care of a newborn 24-7 hasn't been winning me popularity points with Ben. When we first brought Sam home Ben reverted back to his worst bout of favoritism. He wanted absolutely nothing to do with me, to the point of crying even when Heath just went to the bathroom. As he's getting more used to our "new normal" it's gone back to an almost tolerable level of favoritism, but it still stings. Especially since I can't spend one-on-one time with him while Heath's at work anymore.

It makes total sense that Ben would favor Heath. Heath has more energy, he's loud and fun and he sings silly songs all the time. Ben and Heath also have a lot of similar interests and a similar mindset. I'm reserved and prefer reading or coloring or playing quiet games to running around like a crazy person (which is often what Ben and Heath do). I think (and hope) that I'll be the one Ben turns to when he needs quiet in his life, but I really can't imagine a time when I'll be his favorite.

And that's where it gets tough for Sam, because I'm really hoping he's "mine." I know it's a possibility that he'll gravitate toward Heath... But I'm openly and un-apologetically stating that I want him to be an introvert and prefer me. It's completely unfair to put those hopes on him, but I'm already the odd one out because I'm female. I don't want to be the only introvert and the un-favored parent in the family, too.


Sam's only seven weeks old and he doesn't even recognize us on sight yet, so I still have a few months before he could even feasibly pick a favorite. And who knows, he might not pick one. Not all kids do and some go back and forth during different phases of their life. But if he picks Heath it's going to be very tough for me.

Sickness update

Ben's surgery on Monday went very well. They took him to the OR at 8:30am and by 8:45 the doctor was back telling us it went fine. We were home by 10:30! He was pretty out of it all morning, but by the afternoon he was bouncing around and back to his usual self. Hopefully this will mean a lot fewer trips to the doctor this winter.

Ben's been on ear drops, eye drops and antibiotics all week (plus some Tylenol after his surgery), but I'm happy to report that by this evening we will be DONE with all his medications. I'm not against medication by any means, but I also hate putting that much stuff in his body at once. Especially since he hated the eye drops and is only slightly less hostile toward the ear drops.

I'm also glad to say that he's been more pleasant in general this week, I assume because he's not feeling so sick. Heath's going back to work on Monday and while I'm partially terrified of how I'm going to handle a newborn and a three year old by myself all day, I think we're all eager to get back to our normal routine. I'm hoping Ben's moods will even out a little once we're out of this limbo period.

Introducing...

... Samuel Donald Borders, a.k.a. Sam, Sammy or Samwise. Born Monday November 14, 2011 at 12:09pm after only 4.5 hours of labor!

Things are going okay around here. I think it's a combination of Sam being a pretty good baby and us feeling more calm as "new" parents. I know that I, for one, am able to sleep a lot better during those times when he lets me sleep. With Ben I lost a ton of sleep just from being too freaked out to sleep.

Ben loves his baby brother and gives him hugs and kisses all the time. However, this is not an easy transition. Ben is very out of sorts. He's super moody and just not his usual self. It doesn't help that the day after we got home with Sam he developed a strange rash all over his body, which turned out to be an allergic reaction to some medication. And he's having ear tube surgery next week. And I had a blood pressure scare (which is currently being controlled with medication). There hasn't been one non-weekend/non-holiday day since we got home that SOMEONE hasn't been at the doctor.

So, it's been hard. I'm still hormonal, not to mention recovering physically, which makes Ben's outbursts harder to take. Though Heath is bearing the brunt of that. At least this time we know it will get better. That just seems a long time off.

Big Brother Ben

Ben is having a very similar reaction to Sam's arrival as he did to starting preschool. He's very excited, but I can tell he's getting nervous. He's fascinated with the 3D ultrasound picture I got. I put it on the refrigerator where he can reach it and sometimes he takes it down and kisses it. And he keeps talking about wanting to read to the baby. However, the bathroom accidents are starting again and they're worse. The most spectacular one was last Sunday morning. Heath was gone when Ben woke up, so when he couldn't find Daddy he stood at the top railing overlooking our foyer and peed so much that there was a huge puddle on the carpet upstairs and a bunch on the wood floor downstairs, as well. That was an awesome way to start the morning. Almost every day since then has featured at least one accident.

At least with school I could give him a concrete start date. Obviously it's a little different with a baby. I've explained that babies come when they're ready and we don't know exactly when that is. He's at a hard age for this, because he understands that things are going to change and something big is coming, but he still can't really grasp it and deal with it. If he was younger he might just be oblivious and if he was older I might be able to explain it better. *shrug* I think once the baby's here he's going to be fine. It's just the waiting that's driving him (and me) nuts.

Mr. Happy

Despite my previous post about his aggressive behavior, Ben is actually a very friendly person. He's much friendlier than I am. He takes after Heath in that way. If we arrive at the playground and there are no other people there, he doesn't want to play. However, when there are other kids he says, "There's my friends!" Even if we've never met them. To Ben, everyone is a friend. He says hello to everybody and can usually get a smile out of even the surliest teenage boy. And as far as older people go... Sheesh, they're putty in his hands.

As much as I don't relish the thought of being the only introvert in the house, I'm glad Ben is so outgoing. Ever since I was very young that's always what I've wanted to change about myself, because it makes life so much easier to be an extrovert. Ben is cheerful and charismatic and affectionate. He's forever doling out hugs at the end of playgroup (which is so freaking adorable) and sharing his snacks with his friends. I think he's going to be one of those annoying people who everyone likes.

Ben can do it!

We've reached the "independence" phase of Ben's toddler-hood, which is sort of an oxymoron because he's never been a very independent kid. And really he still isn't. He pretty much always wants one of us to play with him, or at least be in the room near him when he's playing. When he's playing trains my role mostly consists of fixing destroyed track and voicing Sir Topham Hatt.

But, his newest motto is the subject line. If I try to help him put on his boots, or buckle his booster seat or close a door he yells, "Ben can do it!" Yesterday we were at a friend's 2nd birthday party and Ben wanted more grapes. So I put more on his little plate and carried it back to the couch. He threw a fit and I had no idea why. Finally between all the whining and crying I figured out he wanted to carry the plate himself. So I handed him the plate and he was immediately happy.

I guess I should be glad he wants to do things himself, and I am, but it's just another whining, crying minefield to navigate.

Happiness is...

...saying, "I love you, Ben," and hearing, "I love you, Mommy. I love you, I love you, I love you."

No door is closed to you

My wonderful husband has taught our son to open doors with knobs. Heath says he'd rather have Ben know how to do something and tell him not to, than not have him know how. That's easy to say when he's not the one in the house all day telling Ben not to do it.

It backfired deliciously, though. Last Friday Heath stayed home from work sick. While I was in the shower Ben took it upon himself to open our bedroom door and wake up Daddy! I must admit I felt some schadenfreude at that.

So far Ben has been very responsible with the knowledge. He's only opened the back door when we're leaving. But it worries me. We live on a fairly busy street and now it would be very easy for him to get outside and run down the driveway. Given his personality it seems unlikely he would do that, at least right now. He still has separation anxiety, obviously from Heath but from me, too, when I'm the only parent available. Even in the house he doesn't like to be in different rooms for too long. So I don't see him running outside by himself for a while, but still... The possibility is there.

The one decent point Heath had was that if I ever lock myself out of the house while Ben's still inside, he could let me back in. That has the potential to come in handy. As well as this morning when I had to wake up Heath for work. I sent Ben upstairs to wake him while I cleaned up the remains of breakfast. That was nice. But the second I find Ben outside by himself I'll be cursing Heath's name. :)