There and Back Again

We took our first big road trip as a family of four this weekend. Unfortunately it was for my grandfather's funeral. He was 88 years old and had a good life filled with children, grandchildren and great-grandchildren. The thing I'll remember most about him is his joy. I'm sure he had his worries and bad days just like everyone else, but I can only remember him smiling. In fact, as I was listening to the pastor speak during the service I could hear my grandfather's laughter. I'm very sad I'll never get to see him again, but I have fond memories.

At first Heath and I discussed me flying up to Wisconsin alone, but a funeral isn't something you want to attend without your family. In fact, though it was a sad occasion, overall it was a good trip because we got to visit relatives we don't see very often. My grandma got to see Ben again and meet Avery and Sam for the first time. Plus, my dad was surrounded by his children and grandchildren at his father's funeral and we supported him with our presence.

The boys were very good on the trip. It took over 10 hours of driving each way, but we didn't have too much fussiness (thanks - in Ben's case - to the three viewings of Toy Story on the drive up). They both slept in the car at least part of the time and we managed to stop enough to avoid the "I have to use the potty" moment, which would give us 2-3 minutes to find a suitable place. I'm glad our three year old didn't have to pee on the side of the highway. Or, worse yet, in a bottle in the car.

Honestly, I'm glad we took this trip. It was very tiring for Heath and me (physically and emotionally), but we managed to throw together a 10+ hour road trip with two young children in one day and everything turned out fine. To a worrier and a planner like me, that seems almost impossible, but it was a good lesson.

I'll miss you, Papa.

Hungry, hungry herbivore

Sam has ventured into the world of "solid" food! He's had his first tastes of rice cereal and oatmeal and he likes them! He happily gobbles down two tablespoons at a time, which I know doesn't seem like a lot, but just imagine if your stomach was the size of a quarter*. In a few weeks, after his six month check up, we'll start pureed veggies and fruit and then we'll venture into softer adult foods. Yea! This is exciting, since it signals the waning of the formula era. Formula is expensive and gross and it's a pain in the ass to drag around all the time. Of course, it does mean the dawning of the Finding Cheerio's in Baby Fat Rolls era.


*I actually have no idea what size Sam's stomach is. Hyperbole is the BEST THING EVER!

Bib reads: My mommy is so going to blog this

He's so right.

Three and binky free

We're finally free. Ben no longer uses a pacifier! It's been long overdue, but the final straw was the dentist. Ben kept accumulating a lot of tartar on his bottom teeth and I think it was from sleeping with the binky. So, since Ben's been expressing interest in a new bike and he's almost outgrown his tricycle, Heath hatched a plan. We decided Ben could pay for a new bike with his binkies. When we broached the idea with him he seemed very receptive. We stressed that the binkies would be gone, but he was very focused on the new bike (which was the idea). I suppose he saw the writing on the wall, since a month or two ago I bought him a book called Pacifiers Aren't Forever. And when we started Project Napless I said if he fell asleep during quiet time that was okay, but he couldn't have binkies.

So Wednesday night we headed out to the local bike shop. Ben took to the two wheeler right away. It had training wheels, so he climbed right up and started riding around the store. He was super excited. The salesman really played along and told Ben the bike cost four binkies. Ben handed them over without a second thought and rode out of the store.

As bedtime approached I could tell he was realizing what he'd done. He didn't mention it specifically, but he got sad and started whining a little bit. But then a miracle occurred: He went right to sleep. No crying, no jumping out of bed, nothing. He did come into our room at 2am, wanting Heath to come sleep with him, but he did that even when he had binkies. Ever since then he's been fine. He's only mentioned the binkies once and he's had no trouble sleeping.

The morale of this story is that kids do things at their own pace. If we'd tried to do this when Ben was one or maybe even two, I think it would've gone much worse. Lots of crying and sleepless nights. But at three and a half he was ready to give up the binky and he just needed a little nudge from us.

And a new bike.

Sicko

Ben has always been a really good patient. He doesn't complain much when he's sick. We've never had problems giving him medication. He barely notices when he gets shots. It's been one of the delightful surprises of his childhood.

I think we're in for a whole different ballgame with Sam. Ben generously shared his cold, so for the past week Sam's been coughing and sneezing and running a fever off and on. He's been SUCH a complainer. Though he can't speak words yet, he's definitely getting his meaning across with almost constant whining. "Mommy, I'm sick. Daddy, I don't feel well. PAY ATTENTION TO ME! I'M SICK!" He's been pretty pathetic.

Saturday I finally took him to the doctor because he wasn't eating very much and his fever kept popping up. It was awful. The nurse practitioner wanted to check his ears for infection, but there was too much wax. First she tried to dig it out with this little tool, but that wasn't cutting it, so she had to flush his ears with water. Oh, let me tell you, he definitely let us know how he felt about that. Another nurse was holding his head, I was holding down his arms and legs and he was SCREAMING BLOODY MURDER.

The end result was that he did have an ear infection and some pretty serious congestion with wheezing. In addition to antibiotics she gave us this inhaler with a pediatric face mask. Awesome. Not as bad as the ear flushing, but at least the crying does mean he takes big breaths and gets the medication into his lungs.

He's starting to get better now, thank goodness. He finally ate his regular six ounce bottle at lunch today. It's not like he's a small guy, but it makes mommies very nervous when their babies won't eat, no matter their size. And he's getting back to his normal, smiley self. Not looking forward to the next time he's sick.

We're in trouble

Yesterday we went to Build-A-Bear with Uncle Ian, Aunt B and Avery. It was a new experience for Ben, so he was a little overwhelmed, but when I told him he could pick out which animal he wanted he was pretty decisive. He picked Truman the Tiger, which is Heath's and my alma mater mascot. I asked if he was sure and he said yes. So we went through the whole process: getting his sound (roar), stuffing him and putting a heart inside (gag me), giving him a "bath," picking an outfit (Lightning McQueen pajamas) and making him a birth certificate.

Ben's not usually big on stuffed animals, but he's been pretty inseparable from his new tiger. He slept with him last night. And then this morning over breakfast he started talking about a "transformer machine," which you put things into and then they turn into something else. Sound familiar?

Uh oh.

Letting go

I cannot believe I'm going to type this, let alone THINK it, but I'm going to stop making Ben take naps. For three and a half years nap time has been my refuge. The bulk of my time alone and time to relax has been during nap time. But yesterday this happened:

Ben took a long nap - almost three hours. Then he wanted to play pirate, so he donned his pirate gear and hid treasure all over the house. The final step in the process involved me drawing a map of all the places he hid the treasure. First was the refrigerator and when I showed him my drawing he was less than pleased. I'm still not exactly sure what was wrong with it, but even though I tried to explain that I can't draw very well and that was the best I could do, it still turned into a 15 minute crying fit. Because I drew the refrigerator wrong.

That was basically the last straw. I've been noticing that his mood after naps is pretty bad and on the days he doesn't nap he seems fine. It really pains me to give up his naps, but I'd rather have a happy boy than a grumpy boy. I'm afraid it's going to lead to an even grumpier Mommy, but I have the beginnings of a plan. First off is Quiet Time. He'll still have it for an hour every afternoon, to conveniently coincide with Sam's afternoon nap. Then I think we'll start Computer Time. I signed up for this educational website called Starfall.com. He's played the demo before and enjoyed it, so I got him access to the entire site. That way I can have another hour where he's occupied, but he's not just watching TV or playing stupid games. After that I'm not sure. That might get us to 3:00. Sigh.

Let's try to look on the bright side, shall we: This will open up the afternoon for running errands. We don't have to worry about getting him home from something so he can take a nap. It's the first step toward getting him off the pacifier (which he still uses to sleep). Plus, when he doesn't nap he goes to bed earlier and easier.

So this is a good thing, right?

Right?

Sigh.

Am I already this out of date?

Ben has been using the iPod and other touch screen devices since he was about 18 months old. So now, two years later, he's very good at it. One of his favorite iPad games is Angry Birds. In the game you have to fling birds with a slingshot at pigs in various types of structures. The goal is to knock down all the pigs. It's a good game for him because he has to aim and judge distance and trajectory.

He plays it a lot and this morning we were playing together. I was attempting to pass a level and since I don't play it very much I failed. Ben gently took the iPad from my lap and said, "This one's pretty hard for you, Mom. I can do it."

And the sad thing was, he did.

Four months!

At four months Sam's entering the big baby race:

Weight: 17 lbs. 9 oz. (that means he's gained 10 lbs. 1 oz. since he was born) - 90th percentile
Length: 26 in. - 85th percentile
Head circumference: 41.5 cm - 50th percentile

So his head size is holding steady, but his weight and height shot up in the percentages. He's wearing 6-9 month clothing and is threatening to grow out of it soon. But we're used to big, fast growing babies in our family.

I mentioned how Sam discovered his hands and now he's discovering that they can be used for more than just sucking. Babies this age are like drunk people. When he sees something he likes he grins, drools and makes a grunting noise. Then he bats and grabs at the thing, usually missing it and possibly falling forward. At least he's a happy drunk. As long as he's not tired and he's been fed he's very agreeable. He's much more aware of people and his surroundings, but he doesn't have preferences yet. So Sam recognizes me, but I can hand him off to someone else and he's just as happy.

His sleeping continues to be good. He doesn't sleep through the night every night, but we're at about half and half. I'm not nearly as zombie-like as I was when Ben was this age, but zombie-ness does have its advantages. Zombies just stagger through life, not worrying about anything, and when I was utterly sleep deprived that's how I was. However, when I get almost-but-not-quite-enough sleep I get really grumpy. So I've just been unpleasant for the last four months. Ask Heath, I'm sure he'll back me up on that.

The Cult of the Helicopter Parent

For anyone not parenting right now, you might not be aware that the expectations for parenting have become much more "hands on." Gone are the days of (as my mother said) throwing your kids out of the house until lunch and then throwing them out of the house again until dinner. It's partly due to fear of kidnapping*, partly due to the fact that a lot of households are two income, so kids are at daycare and partly due to this idea that you should be entertaining/providing "teaching moments" for your kids all the time. I read an article recently that claimed working mothers today spend more time with their children than stay-at-home mothers did in the 50's. I don't know if that's actually true, but it seems possible.

At first I bought into all that. Of course, you can't really leave an infant alone very long, but you don't always have to be entertaining him. However, with Ben I pretty much did that. Sometimes I would work around the house with him as my shadow, but usually I'd wait until he was asleep or Heath was home to finish the bulk of my chores. As you can imagine that was both tiring and boring, and it also taught Ben that we'll ALWAYS play with him. So lately I've been trying to do some re-training and teach Ben to play by himself. It hasn't been easy because he's like Heath - he never wants to be alone. Just yesterday he chose to sit in the bathroom and do nothing while I took a shower, rather than play in his room by himself for 10 minutes.

Right now we're in that in-between stage where he's not quite ready to give up his afternoon naps, but sometimes he's not tired enough for one. So on those days we have a rule that if he doesn't nap he has one hour of quiet time in his room. At first it was a disaster. "Quiet time" was really "crying time." Then he stopped the crying, but he would scream and yell and jump on his bed. Now I think we've finally gotten to the point where he understands and is usually fairly good with it. He'll play in his room by himself, but he has yet to make it an entire hour without calling for me or coming out of his room.

I've also been trying to play with him less throughout the day. Even typing that sentence feels so WRONG, like all the other parents are judging me. But considering that I used to play with him ALL DAY LONG, I'm trying to be fine with it. He's pretty content sometimes to play by himself if I'm in the same room. So if I'm doing dishes or cooking he'll color or play Play-Doh at the kitchen table. If I'm folding laundry in the living room, he'll play trains, etc. Most of the time he still expects us to entertain him, but he's getting better. Even extroverts need to learn how to be by themselves sometimes.

I hope I can continue this in my parenting, encouraging independence despite pressure from society or other parents to keep an eye on my kids at all times. We live in a safe neighborhood, with a nice playground two blocks away and Ben's future elementary school just down the street. I feel like he should be able to walk or bike around by himself by third or fourth grade. I just don't know if he'll have any other kids to walk or bike with.


*Seriously. I've talked to a lot of different mothers in the past three and a half years and the vast majority are very reluctant to let their kids out of their sight for any length of time for this reason.

Finally!

Babies change so much in their first year of life. Every few weeks it's like you have a new child. Just in the last week Sam has discovered his hands and they are the new loves of his life! Last time I did a Sam update he wasn't smiling too much, but in the past month he's become a really smiley guy. But I hadn't been able to snap a picture of him smiling because every time I got out the camera he would give it this hard stare, like he was trying to figure it out - Until today! I managed to catch him smiling, though he refuses to be parted from his hands (ha!), so they make guest appearances:

True Love