My turn

In Ben, Heath has a mini-me. Their personalities and the way they think are pretty much the same. I've often been envious of that, but it does mean that when Ben does something annoying that I just know Heath would've done as a kid I get to say, "This is YOUR fault." :)

Well, Heath will probably get to turn the tables in the next few years, because since turning one, Sam has revealed that he's a lot like me. He's sensitive. If another kid is crying, even someone he doesn't know, he seems concerned and will even go over and try to help. It's especially evident if Ben's upset.

Sam definitely seems more introverted than Ben or Heath. He can entertain himself and he seems content on his own for a while. My patented method of getting Ben to come with me, which basically just involves me leaving the room, doesn't work as well with Sam. Sometimes he'll come running after, but sometimes he's just like, "Whatever. I wanted some privacy anyway."

It's interesting to watch how Sam changes depending on who's home. If Heath and Ben are there he runs around like a crazy person, wanting to keep up with them. But if it's just the two of us he's much calmer and quieter and more likely to focus on something.

It's exciting to think of having a kid more like me. I love Ben dearly and am amazed by the things he says and does, but our personalities clash in a lot of ways and it's very hard for me to deal with the constant talking. Just like Heath, he brings things into my life that I never would've done or seen on my own, but it'll be wonderful to have a child with whom I can just share comfortable silence.

Spring pictures (now that it's almost fall)

Sam wasn't too impressed by the ocean. 

He would walk up to it and then back away as the tide got too close.

He did enjoy the sand.

Let's Get Physical!

At 21 months Sam has almost completely conquered our house, physically. He can climb up and down the stairs himself. I rarely keep the gate closed anymore, because he's more careful on the stairs when I'm not with him. I love this milestone. He can open all the doors in the house. I don't love this milestone as much. It necessitates keeping the deadbolts locked at all times, which is easy to forget. So far I haven't had to chase him down the street or anything, but I'm guessing with such a helpful big brother he'll figure out how to unlock the deadbolt before too long. *sigh*

He can climb onto all the chairs, and because of the aforementioned helpful big brother he figured out that if you push a chair up to a counter you can reach what's up there. Ben didn't start doing that until he was at least 3, so this is new territory. We use folding chairs in the kitchen, so when we're not using them they're now folded and leaning against the wall. Luckily, Sam hasn't put together that he could push a chair from the dining room into the kitchen to achieve the same result. Let's hope it stays that way for a while.

And just yesterday I witnessed him open the refrigerator. That kind of terrifies me. There's so much horribleness that could come from that skill. I can't remembered when Ben mastered that, but it was never a problem with him. He only used the ability for good, not evil. Hopefully Sam will learn that from him, too!

The Backpack Series

As a dutiful younger brother, Sam idolizes Ben. He does everything Ben does, literally. Even if Ben is just standing by the door with his hands clasped behind his back, Sam will sidle up next to him and assume the same position. It's adorable and sometimes awful, because of course the copy-cat routine isn't confined only to cute behaviors. However, today I bring you one of the cuties. Since preschool starts again next week (YEA!) I thought this was appropriate. Sam Wearing Ben's Backpack:

Bubbloso

I'm not good at being Present. Being In The Moment. I'm always in my head, planning, worrying, thinking about my to-do list. It's a quality that makes me a good organizer, but it doesn't always come in handy as I'm parenting. One of the things people most often say when you have a baby is, "Cherish this time. They won't be this small forever." But most of the mothers (at least first time mothers) I know get too bogged down in the day-to-day exhausting minutia of caring for a baby, a toddler, a preschooler, to really enjoy what's happening right in front of them. I do, at least. Especially in the past few years I've tended to focus on the negative and my brain just gets stuck there.

Well, I knew it was time for a change when I realized that my negativity was starting to annoy me. I was getting sick of my own carousel of thoughts that just went round and round and did nothing for me. So recently I've been trying to make a concerted effort to change my thinking habits. To enjoy fun, happy times as they're happening. Not necessarily documenting them for posterity, but just being joyful in the moment.

Over the weekend we went to a birthday party where the boys each received huge bubble wands. So yesterday afternoon we headed to the backyard to try them out. I wasn't expecting much. Ben usually gets sick of blowing bubbles pretty quickly and Sam just gets mad when I won't let him stick the soap in his mouth. But this time both Ben and Sam were content to let me be the bubble master. As I filled the air with huge bubbles I realized that this was A Moment. I willed myself to mentally put down the to-do list and simply exist with my boys. I listened to Sam erupt into giggles every time a wave of bubbles came for him. I watched Ben stick out his arms and fly through the bubbles as a plane. I gazed at the blue, blue sky and enjoyed the shade of our backyard. I tried really hard to ignore the fact that my hand was getting all sticky from the bubble solution.

Overall, I think I succeeded. Admittedly, I did start writing this blog post in my head before we were even done playing, but I think it helped me take notice of details I might not have otherwise. And admittedly, I got bored with the bubbles long before they did. But I had a lot of fun imagining that what I had wasn't a plastic stick and some soap, but a magic wand creating bubbles out of thin air.

Samwise

Every day Sam is becoming more like a little kid and less like a baby. He's still not exactly speaking words, but he understands most of what we say and is getting better at communicating.

We've gotten into a violent stage with Sam. He hits people and throws things A LOT. It's very frustrating because I have to be an almost constant mediator between him and Ben. The hitting is really hard for Ben to take because he knows he's not supposed to hit Sam, but Sam keeps hitting him. Of course I scold Sam and try to remove him from the situation, but at this age there's still no real way to punish him that he'll understand. I can put him in his room by himself, but he won't be able to connect that to hitting Ben, so it's pointless.

However, when Sam's NOT hitting Ben they're starting to really play together. Sam's getting faster, so Chase is more exciting. And they wrestle. And bounce on Ben's bed. And dance. There are times when I might get 10 minutes of them playing together nicely and not constantly bugging me to play. After four and a half years of ALWAYS being bugged to play, 10 minutes seems pretty nice. Not nice enough, but it's a start.

Sam's starting to be able to feed himself with utensils, which is messy but awesome. Just another step on that road toward not having to watch him every second of the day. And though he doesn't eat a lot, his palate is starting to open up a little. For a while the only fruit he would eat was bananas and applesauce. In the last couple weeks he's started eating blueberries again and I also got him to eat raspberries and grapes! Trust me, it's very exciting.

Sam LOVES to play outside. I think he'd stay out there all day if I let him. He also loves animals, especially dogs and always notices a dog barking, even in the distance. Whenever he sees our cats he lets out this SCREECH of joy. It's pretty cute.

Next week Sam will be 18 months old. A year and a half. I don't think of Sam as being as old as I thought of Ben at this age, if that makes sense. Compared to Ben now, Sam still seems like a baby, but on those mornings when it's just us I can see him more clearly and realize just how much he can do. He's climbing on playground equipment by himself. He's getting better and better on the stairs. And now sometimes he's wanting to walk through parking lots, instead of being carried. Little boy is growing up and in October he'll have a new baby cousin and it'll be that much more apparent how old he is.

PTO mom

I have become a PTO mom. It's bizarre because I never envisioned myself being a stay-at-home mom who goes to PTO meetings. Even typing that I have a sort of visceral negative reaction. PTO moms are super bubbly and annoying and they only live vicariously through their children. And I've met some people like that, but most of the people I've met have been pretty down to earth and just want to invest some time and energy into their child's education. Some have even been people I'd like to hang out with.

So I volunteered to help organize Ben's school's trivia night, which is the biggest fundraiser of the year. I didn't quite know what I was getting into, but Heath and I love trivia nights and have been to quite a few, so I thought my "expertise" could help. It pretty much took over my life for the past few months, which explains the dearth of posts here, but now it's OVER and I don't feel like I have an anvil hanging over my head. It was a very successful evening and everyone seemed to have fun. I definitely won't be in charge next year, but I'll help and maybe in a few years, once I've forgotten all the stress it caused me, I might volunteer to organize one again. I suppose in that way it's like having a baby. After a while you forget all the horribleness and that's what allows you to want another one.

Reading Rainbow

Ben is starting to read! It's really amazing to watch because we haven't been pushing him to read. We've taught him the letter sounds and how to sound out words, but it's mostly coming from him. He's asking to learn all these things and he's figuring it out on his own, too. Recently we walked past a pizza restaurant and Ben said, "Pizza!" Immediately I started scanning the windows for a picture of pizza, but there wasn't one. Other than the word, there was no indication that it was a pizza restaurant. He freaking read it! I'm guessing he had seen the word previously and memorized it and didn't sound it out on the spot, but that's a big part of reading, especially in English. He's using context clues, too, because he reads "open" on store windows a lot. These are all great skills and though I know he's smart, I'm still surprised he's learning them so young.

Reading is the most important thing Ben will learn and since I love reading it's very exciting to me that's he's so enthusiastic about it. Once he can read, the entire world will be open to him... But it's also terrifying because the entire world will be open to him. He'll be able to read anything, whether I want him to or not. And of course that's part of growing up... It's just a big leap forward.

He's only four and a half and barely reading, but you know me. I like to worry about things in the future that I can't change. I just wonder how I'm going to handle situations like this: We were at the mall and passed one of those kiosks selling stuff and they had a row of belts that all said, "I (heart) boobies." Ben asked what it said and I just mumbled something about it being silly. A year from now he'll probably be able to read it himself, but he won't really know what it means so he'll ask me. I'll want to explain how it's disrespectful to women, but will he really understand? I guess it doesn't matter. I should just prepare myself for lots of awkward conversations.

Guilt

As a parent, guilt is an emotion you have to get up close and personal with. Even as a stay-at-home mom I experience guilt. But it's hard not to when the Ideal Parent these days is fun! and engaging and always finds those "teachable moments" while never raising their voice and taking the kids on exciting field trips and packing nutritious lunches with no added sugar and doing crafts and baking projects all while creating amazing dinners and decorating the baby's nursery with cute items found antiquing. There's no room in there for frustration or drive-thru McDonald's or wanting time for yourself.

The biggest guilt-inducer for me is Having Two Kids. When it was only Ben and me I could focus on him and I felt like we really connected. For the past 16 months my attention has always been divided and I feel like I'm not really seeing either kid. I'm half listening to Ben chatter while I try to coax Sam to eat something. I'm saying, "I'll read that to you in a minute, Sam," as I help Ben kill goombas and turtles in Mario Brothers. Even though we're together almost ALL THE TIME, I don't feel like I have enough time for either of them. With Sam it's a little better, because Ben's at school three mornings a week, so we have that time, but there's almost no time when it's just Ben and me. After Ben's quiet time Sam is usually still napping, so that would be  the perfect time for us to have... But honestly by mid-afternoon I'm wiped and I hate to admit it, but more often than not Ben spends that time playing video games or watching TV, so I can have some peace and relative quiet.

The other big guilt-fest is that Sam isn't having the same kind of very early childhood that Ben did. When Ben was a toddler he didn't have sugar until after he was one, he had age-appropriate, educational toys everywhere he looked and he never really watched TV until he was a year and a half and even then it was only PBS, strictly 30-60 minutes per day, no more! Ben had my full attention and we went out to new and different places almost every day.

Sam's been watching SpongeBob SquarePants since before he could crawl, he had cake and ice cream and french fries, all way before his first birthday and right now one of his favorite things is to carry around the Nerf gun and have you shoot darts at the window for him.

He and Ben were born into different circumstances and they're not the same person and they don't need to be treated the same way, necessarily, either. But it's hard not to think that I'm disadvantaging Sam somehow by not providing him the same things Ben had. But I can't provide him a first-child existence, so I should just stop worrying about it, right? Well, I'll let you know how that goes.

Quotable Ben

When asked how school was, Ben replied,


"Thomas and I were on the playground talking about how everyone's stupid except the boys."