Boy 2 Turns 2

Dear Sam,

You've become such a big boy. A year ago you couldn't even walk, and now you're running, jumping and climbing on everything. It happened so slowly over the year, but when I think back it's amazing how much you've changed. You're even starting to talk! You've mastered saying "more milk," and it's AWESOME. Not only do you get what you want, but I know what you want, without a lot of pantomiming and questions. I'm so excited to hear all the other things you'll say.

It's been fun getting to know you better over the last year. You like to copy whatever Ben does, but you're definitely your own person. You're fairly quiet a lot, but when you have something to say it comes BURSTING out of you. There have been many peaceful car rides suddenly interrupted by a blast of noise from you. You also like to observe a situation before you go diving in, but once you decide to join, you're in there. You'll mix it up, even with older kids. But if you're not interested, you're perfectly content to play by yourself, as well.

One of the most striking pieces of your personality is your empathy and gentleness. Toddlers aren't known for possessing those qualities, but in you they shine through. It obviously disturbs you when another child is crying. You want to go over and help comfort. You're also (for the most part) very gentle with the cats. They like you better than Ben because you pet them nicely and rarely pull their tails or yank them off the couch by their fur. I think it's because you just love animals. Ever since you were very young you've been fascinated by them. You point out birds and squirrels constantly. You want to visit every dog who comes to the park. You love the zoo. If you become a veterinarian or a zoologist or an animal trainer I will not be surprised at all.

Like all children (especially toddlers), you have those moments that drive parents crazy. You pulled every tissue out of a brand new box. For some reason you've decided you don't want to wear a coat EVER. A few weeks ago, when Daddy was gone on business, you woke up at 5:30am every morning. And you throw toys around like it's going out of style. Which it is. Stop it. But for the most part, you're a very lovable guy. You're smiley and affectionate and you like to dance and your gorgeous blue eyes don't hurt, either.

You've had many adventures this year. You took your first plane ride to Phoenix to visit Oma and Opa. You went to the beach for the first time. You rode rides at Six Flags. You visited all our relatives up in Iowa. And just a couple weeks ago you got a brand new baby cousin. You love Taylor! You pat him and give him kisses and you love to hold him. You're not the baby anymore, and I think you'll be a great big cousin.

I'm so happy you're in our family. You're my favorite Sam.

I love you,
Mommy

It gets better

In two short months Sam will be 2 years old. When Ben was turning 2 I was probably scared, because everyone talks about the "terrible twos" so much. This time around, however, instead of being scared, I'm excited because I know we're going to reach two milestones that make life so much easier.

Sometime in probably the next 6-8 months Sam will graduate from his crib to a big boy bed. Ben transitioned when he was 2 1/2, but I'm thinking Sam might go earlier, just because it'll be nice for us. When Sam's ready that means we're breaking out the bunk beds and thus will start the era of Ben and Sam sharing a room. That does make me a little nervous, from the sleeping less perspective, but it means we'll have a free room. We're not sure what we'll do with it yet, but that'll be nice. Also, not having to drag the pack 'n play around when we travel will be AWESOME. I remember Ben went from crib to bed right before a trip to Florida and it was so nice to leave that thing at home.

Then sometime in the next year Sam will be starting potty training. It's by no means a fun experience, but I do remember thinking that it wasn't as bad as I thought it would be with Ben. And I'm hoping that the I-want-to-do-everything-Ben-does thing will work in our favor. Plus, we are definitely doing it before he turns 3. We unknowingly dodged that bullet with Ben, because I think it would've been MUCH harder to potty train him after 3. He got so stubborn that year. It would've been a nightmare. So that'll probably be our spring or summer project next year. Something to look forward to.

So those are the two biggies we have coming up and they mean so much more freedom. Traveling really is the biggest thing that gets easier. And while potty training doesn't mean I get to stop paying attention to Sam's bathroom habits right away - for a while I'll actually be MORE focused on it because I want to avoid accidents - I will get to stop buying diapers and carrying around a diaper bag.

Even little changes are nice, too. Babies and toddlers have very specialized needs and as Sam gets older his needs and Ben's needs can be met together. Like, once Sam turns 2 he and Ben can use the same kind of Tylenol. And by the time Sam's 3 he and Ben will probably use the same toothpaste. Fairly soon Sam will be able to use regular cups and not use sippy cups anymore. I've been able to put the toilet paper back on the rolls, instead of up high out of his reach, because he seems to be past the un-rolling everything phase. He's already attempting to climb into his car seat by himself. All these things add up to not so much work on our part.

Pushing through

I'm feeling melancholy today. I think Ben turning 5 has affected me more than I thought it would. For some reason 5 must be a threshold in my mind. Even though Ben won't be in elementary school for another year, I feel like he's starting to float away from me. I also think about the fact that I read somewhere that kids' brains are like sponges until age 5. They soak up everything. And I just hope we exposed him to enough good things to soak up.

He's getting so big. Not just physically, but mentally. Sometimes the connections he makes and the insights he has astound me. "Where did he learn that?" I think. And then I realize he didn't learn it. He just thought it up. And that's so awesome, but today it's making me have a real "Where is the time going? It's happening way too fast" moment.

Sometimes I'll watch one of the kids as he's doing something really funny or very This Age. I'll try to memorize the lines of his body, the cadence of his laugh, the tilt of his head so I'll never forget it. But I know I will. I try to remember what Ben was like at Sam's age and it's hard. Hard to remember him then and hard to imagine him in the future.

So I take pictures and videos and try to post the funny moments on my blog so I can remember. I'm also trying very hard to live in the moment. But right now I'm feeling very overwhelmed by the task of Raising Good Human Beings. There are so many things to think about: good nutrition, teaching values, setting limits but not being too strict, not "being their friend" but still having fun with them, not spoiling, learning colors and letters and reading and chemistry, instilling gratitude and manners and helping them to appreciate art and science and beauty and life. It's so much. Sometimes I take it all in stride and I know that little by little, day by day, through my actions and words my kids will learn what I want them to learn. But right now it seems like an impossible task and there's a part of me that thinks I squandered those sponge-brain years with Ben and I'm definitely squandering them with Sam.

Well, I've just got to push through. One of the exhausting but sometimes liberating facts of parenthood is that it just keeps going, whether you're ready or overwhelmed or not.

Dear Ben,

This year, your fifth, has been an emotional roller coaster. In contrast to your fourth year, when everyday was up and down, up and down, this year the ups and downs have been in weeks. So for a few weeks you'd be the best kid I could imagine. Kind, helpful, funny, creative, thoughtful, mature, obedient. I'd feel like the best mother. And then it would switch and suddenly for a few weeks you were beastly: Yelling, slamming doors, refusing to listen. Those weeks were tough. The good news is that you generally save that behavior for Dad and me. At school, with babysitters, with family you're well behaved and respectful. Only one time in two years of school have you gotten a bad report and your teacher was SO SURPRISED.

The most exciting thing from this past year is that you're learning to read and write at an amazing clip. Just a couple weeks ago you made a card for a friend's birthday and you sounded out "Happy Birthday" almost all by yourself. I'm in awe of your curiosity and voracious need to learn new things. Both will serve you so well in the years to come.

One of the most fun things about your emerging personality is that you're definitely picking up on Dad's and my geekiness. Video games are a favorite of yours. You love making up stories about zombies and dragons. You even wore your wizard hat to the Renaissance Faire. At first it freaked you out a little that people kept talking to you, but after a while when someone would say, "Are you a wizard?" you'd proudly say yes. And when Dad and I brought you home Catan Jr. from Gen Con, you have no idea how excited and proud we were by how quickly you picked up the game.

The biggest milestone this year (to me) was your first Weird Al concert. I was so excited, but at first I wasn't sure I'd made the right decision, taking you so young. It started close to bed time and you seemed tired. When Al came out on stage you just seemed perplexed by all the lights and how loud it was. You said you'd had fun, but I wasn't so sure. However, the very next day you started asking for your iPod to listen to Weird Al. And now all you ever request in the car is Weird Al. And when we hear original songs in public you say, "This is Weird Al!" So even though you have absolutely no context for the jokes or parodies, I've succeeded in making you a Weird Al fan.

The most poignant milestone this year was taking the training wheels off your bike. It just seems to completely symbolize you growing up. Now you have your own transportation and you can (almost) completely balance yourself on your own. It's scary and thrilling to have you becoming more independent. It makes my heart ache a little, but it's also what's supposed to happen.

You're getting to the sweet spot of childhood. Those handful of years where you're old enough to be somewhat self-sufficient, you can do stuff that's fun for us and you still want to hang out with the family. In a couple more years Sam will be in the sweet spot with you and I think the four of us are going to have a lot of fun. I'm so looking forward to the next half-dozen years with you. You're turning into someone I genuinely want to hang out with and I'm so proud to be your mother.

Happy birthday, Ben!

I love you,
Mom

My turn

In Ben, Heath has a mini-me. Their personalities and the way they think are pretty much the same. I've often been envious of that, but it does mean that when Ben does something annoying that I just know Heath would've done as a kid I get to say, "This is YOUR fault." :)

Well, Heath will probably get to turn the tables in the next few years, because since turning one, Sam has revealed that he's a lot like me. He's sensitive. If another kid is crying, even someone he doesn't know, he seems concerned and will even go over and try to help. It's especially evident if Ben's upset.

Sam definitely seems more introverted than Ben or Heath. He can entertain himself and he seems content on his own for a while. My patented method of getting Ben to come with me, which basically just involves me leaving the room, doesn't work as well with Sam. Sometimes he'll come running after, but sometimes he's just like, "Whatever. I wanted some privacy anyway."

It's interesting to watch how Sam changes depending on who's home. If Heath and Ben are there he runs around like a crazy person, wanting to keep up with them. But if it's just the two of us he's much calmer and quieter and more likely to focus on something.

It's exciting to think of having a kid more like me. I love Ben dearly and am amazed by the things he says and does, but our personalities clash in a lot of ways and it's very hard for me to deal with the constant talking. Just like Heath, he brings things into my life that I never would've done or seen on my own, but it'll be wonderful to have a child with whom I can just share comfortable silence.

Spring pictures (now that it's almost fall)

Sam wasn't too impressed by the ocean. 

He would walk up to it and then back away as the tide got too close.

He did enjoy the sand.

Let's Get Physical!

At 21 months Sam has almost completely conquered our house, physically. He can climb up and down the stairs himself. I rarely keep the gate closed anymore, because he's more careful on the stairs when I'm not with him. I love this milestone. He can open all the doors in the house. I don't love this milestone as much. It necessitates keeping the deadbolts locked at all times, which is easy to forget. So far I haven't had to chase him down the street or anything, but I'm guessing with such a helpful big brother he'll figure out how to unlock the deadbolt before too long. *sigh*

He can climb onto all the chairs, and because of the aforementioned helpful big brother he figured out that if you push a chair up to a counter you can reach what's up there. Ben didn't start doing that until he was at least 3, so this is new territory. We use folding chairs in the kitchen, so when we're not using them they're now folded and leaning against the wall. Luckily, Sam hasn't put together that he could push a chair from the dining room into the kitchen to achieve the same result. Let's hope it stays that way for a while.

And just yesterday I witnessed him open the refrigerator. That kind of terrifies me. There's so much horribleness that could come from that skill. I can't remembered when Ben mastered that, but it was never a problem with him. He only used the ability for good, not evil. Hopefully Sam will learn that from him, too!

The Backpack Series

As a dutiful younger brother, Sam idolizes Ben. He does everything Ben does, literally. Even if Ben is just standing by the door with his hands clasped behind his back, Sam will sidle up next to him and assume the same position. It's adorable and sometimes awful, because of course the copy-cat routine isn't confined only to cute behaviors. However, today I bring you one of the cuties. Since preschool starts again next week (YEA!) I thought this was appropriate. Sam Wearing Ben's Backpack:

Bubbloso

I'm not good at being Present. Being In The Moment. I'm always in my head, planning, worrying, thinking about my to-do list. It's a quality that makes me a good organizer, but it doesn't always come in handy as I'm parenting. One of the things people most often say when you have a baby is, "Cherish this time. They won't be this small forever." But most of the mothers (at least first time mothers) I know get too bogged down in the day-to-day exhausting minutia of caring for a baby, a toddler, a preschooler, to really enjoy what's happening right in front of them. I do, at least. Especially in the past few years I've tended to focus on the negative and my brain just gets stuck there.

Well, I knew it was time for a change when I realized that my negativity was starting to annoy me. I was getting sick of my own carousel of thoughts that just went round and round and did nothing for me. So recently I've been trying to make a concerted effort to change my thinking habits. To enjoy fun, happy times as they're happening. Not necessarily documenting them for posterity, but just being joyful in the moment.

Over the weekend we went to a birthday party where the boys each received huge bubble wands. So yesterday afternoon we headed to the backyard to try them out. I wasn't expecting much. Ben usually gets sick of blowing bubbles pretty quickly and Sam just gets mad when I won't let him stick the soap in his mouth. But this time both Ben and Sam were content to let me be the bubble master. As I filled the air with huge bubbles I realized that this was A Moment. I willed myself to mentally put down the to-do list and simply exist with my boys. I listened to Sam erupt into giggles every time a wave of bubbles came for him. I watched Ben stick out his arms and fly through the bubbles as a plane. I gazed at the blue, blue sky and enjoyed the shade of our backyard. I tried really hard to ignore the fact that my hand was getting all sticky from the bubble solution.

Overall, I think I succeeded. Admittedly, I did start writing this blog post in my head before we were even done playing, but I think it helped me take notice of details I might not have otherwise. And admittedly, I got bored with the bubbles long before they did. But I had a lot of fun imagining that what I had wasn't a plastic stick and some soap, but a magic wand creating bubbles out of thin air.

Samwise

Every day Sam is becoming more like a little kid and less like a baby. He's still not exactly speaking words, but he understands most of what we say and is getting better at communicating.

We've gotten into a violent stage with Sam. He hits people and throws things A LOT. It's very frustrating because I have to be an almost constant mediator between him and Ben. The hitting is really hard for Ben to take because he knows he's not supposed to hit Sam, but Sam keeps hitting him. Of course I scold Sam and try to remove him from the situation, but at this age there's still no real way to punish him that he'll understand. I can put him in his room by himself, but he won't be able to connect that to hitting Ben, so it's pointless.

However, when Sam's NOT hitting Ben they're starting to really play together. Sam's getting faster, so Chase is more exciting. And they wrestle. And bounce on Ben's bed. And dance. There are times when I might get 10 minutes of them playing together nicely and not constantly bugging me to play. After four and a half years of ALWAYS being bugged to play, 10 minutes seems pretty nice. Not nice enough, but it's a start.

Sam's starting to be able to feed himself with utensils, which is messy but awesome. Just another step on that road toward not having to watch him every second of the day. And though he doesn't eat a lot, his palate is starting to open up a little. For a while the only fruit he would eat was bananas and applesauce. In the last couple weeks he's started eating blueberries again and I also got him to eat raspberries and grapes! Trust me, it's very exciting.

Sam LOVES to play outside. I think he'd stay out there all day if I let him. He also loves animals, especially dogs and always notices a dog barking, even in the distance. Whenever he sees our cats he lets out this SCREECH of joy. It's pretty cute.

Next week Sam will be 18 months old. A year and a half. I don't think of Sam as being as old as I thought of Ben at this age, if that makes sense. Compared to Ben now, Sam still seems like a baby, but on those mornings when it's just us I can see him more clearly and realize just how much he can do. He's climbing on playground equipment by himself. He's getting better and better on the stairs. And now sometimes he's wanting to walk through parking lots, instead of being carried. Little boy is growing up and in October he'll have a new baby cousin and it'll be that much more apparent how old he is.