He loves me, he loves me not...

For 9-12 months now Heath has been the obvious Favorite Parent. At first it didn't bother me at all and, in fact, I welcomed it because it meant I got a break when Heath got home. Lately, though, it's started to affect me. Ben's favoritism doesn't seem to be diminishing at all. If Heath's home Ben wants almost nothing to do with me*. Seriously, he bawls like it's the end of the world when Heath goes into the bathroom for a minute. It makes me feel like I'm some strange babysitter. I know he loves me and he clings to Heath because he doesn't see him all day. I choose to believe that since Ben and I are together all day he's extremely secure in our relationship so he takes me for granted. That only relieves a little of the sting when he's pushing me away, though.

Yesterday morning he woke up with a slight fever. Nothing worrisome. It barely got over 100 and today he's fine, but yesterday he was sluggish and just not feeling well. Before Heath left for work we were all in the kitchen. Ben walked up to me and said, "Up, up, up." Already that was strange because Heath was standing right there in Ben's line of sight and he came to me. I picked him up, figuring I was merely a vehicle to get to Heath, but he put his head down on my shoulder and snuggled in. And that's the way he stayed until Heath left. We spent much of the day on the couch watching cartoons and though I felt horribly guilty for letting him watch that much TV, it was so nice being the chosen parent for once.

Today he was back to his normal self and was barely consolable when Heath went upstairs to shower, but maybe next time he's sick I'll get another deliberate snuggle.


*Unless I'm engaged in an activity I don't want him involved in, such as cooking. Then he's all over me.