Playgroup Halloween Party

Ben as Thomas the Tank Engine. 

Despite his face, he loves the costume!

Ben as Thomas and Isaac as Gordon.

That's what Ben does now when I say, "Smile!"

The best picture of the most kids.

It's tough to get a good picture of 10 babies and toddlers

L-R: Alyssa (fairy), John-James (Woody from Toy Story), 

Amelia (Rams cheerleader), Ben, Isaac, Eliot (bee)

Ben's Day Out with Thomas

Thomas the Tank Engine visited St. Louis! Considering how obsessed Ben is, we had to take him.

With the conductor

Thomas!

With Sir Topham Hatt (the owner of the railroad)

Imagining a memory

As evidenced by this post Ben's imagination is starting to blossom. Mostly he just has conversations with his toys and usually those conversations are about Dinosaur Train. But it's so fun to watch.

His memory's getting better, too, so he's starting to incorporate things that happen during the day into conversations (not just with toys, but with us, as well). Let me tell you, it's bizarre when he starts talking about something that happened two days ago. You can remember that? Really? It's very intimidating to think about him being able to remember. Up to this point any mistakes I've made have been washed from his brain. Everyday was like a clean slate, which was wonderful, especially on those days I lost it and actually screamed at him. I knew he wouldn't hold it against me. And I know we're still a little ways off from him really being able to remember and understand stuff like that, but it's coming. To think about my parenting mistakes being housed in someone's memory (besides my own) just plain scares me. Being a parent requires more personal evolution than anything I've ever done.

Ben the Manipulator - Part 2

Lately Ben is starting to grasp the concept of emotional manipulation. Whenever I reprimand him he immediately tries to cute it up so I won't be mad. His main weapon: saying in the sweetest voice, "Hi, Mommy." So, we have a lot of conversations like this:

"Ben, don't pull Minnie's tail."
"Hi, Mommy."

"Ben, don't throw toys."
"Hi, Mommy."

The thing is, he keeps saying it until I respond, "Hi, Ben." To him that signals the diffusing of the situation. So if I'm actually mad and refuse to answer, what I get is:

"Hi, Mommy.... Hi, Mommy.... Hi, Mommy. Hi, Mommy. Hi, Mommy. HI, MOMMY!"

Eventually, if I don't answer he gets mad and throws a fit. Now, the following analogy is bound to offend someone, but I think it's somewhat fitting. The relationship of a toddler and parent is not unlike the relationship of an abuser and abused spouse. The abused spouse (i.e. the parent) doesn't want to do anything to set off the abuser (i.e. the toddler), because the abused spouse knows that will just mean more trouble for her. So I usually end up giving in and replying, "Hi, Ben," because it's such a stupid thing to have a tantrum over.

The story of the unfavored parent

Ever since Ben was old enough to have a favorite parent (around 8-9 months, maybe?), it's been Heath. Unequivocally. And I get it. He sees me all day long and Daddy's loud and energetic and fun. For a long time it didn't bother me, because it gave me a break. But after a while it started to get to me. After all, I do almost everything for him, including giving up sushi and booze for 10+ months. I know that's a ridiculous way to look at it and it's something he probably won't appreciate for 25+ years, if ever. But my brain goes there sometimes.

Then, over the summer it started getting better. He was more willing to interact with me even while Heath was around. I began to think maybe we were at the end of this phase. But come fall, the favoritism started up again WITH A VENGEANCE. It's as bad as it ever was. He does fine with me when Heath's gone, but in the evenings and on the weekends it's All Daddy. Heath can't even go to the bathroom for 2 minutes without Ben throwing a fit. And he takes shorter naps because he knows Heath's home, so he wants to play.

Luckily Heath usually doesn't mind being the center of attention all weekend. He has the stamina to keep up with Ben and I know he misses seeing him as much during the week. And while I still appreciate the break from Ben duty, it really stings when he refuses to play with me and just cries for Daddy.

This is sort of a long winded way of explaining why I've only posted one blog entry this month. We've been going through a hard time with the favoritism and I haven't felt much like blogging about the little boy who's rejecting me at every turn. He's just as cute as ever and is talking up a storm. This is just something I need to be okay with. Especially since the woman from Parents As Teachers told me that around 2.5-3 kids usually start to identify with and favor the same sex parent. Gosh, I knew Ben was smart but I didn't realize he was that ahead of the curve.

First bike ride

For Ben's birthday we bought him a strider bike. It's a small bike with no pedals. The idea is that the kid uses his or her feet, so it's easier than a conventional bike, but it teaches balance. This way Ben won't need training wheels and moving to a regular bike will be a smooth process.

We took him on his first bike ride a couple weeks ago. He's been interested in other kids' bikes at the park and he had a blast in the bike store, so we knew he'd have fun.

He's still too short to sit on the seat and touch the ground, so basically he just walked with it in between his legs. But that's better than boring ol' regular walking.

Of course, every novelty gets old after a while.

Still, I think he had fun.

Conversations with a Toddler - Part 4

Scene: This is all Ben, acting out a scenario with his Thomas the Tank Engine bath toy. All words in [brackets] weren't actually said, but I added to make the meaning more clear.


Ben: Hi, Thomas. What [are you] doing?

Thomas: Watch[ing] Dino[saur Train]. Hi, Ben. What [are you] doing?

Ben: Bath.

Don't read this if you don't want to hear about Ben's "evacuations"

Potty training has been going surprisingly well. He's not really regular about telling us he has to go, but more and more when I put him on the potty he pees. In fact, this morning we went to the potty three times and he peed each time. Once was even in a bigger toilet at Stay 'n Play. And Heath took him to the bathroom at a restaurant the other night and he peed there, too. His Super Why! chart is filling up with stickers. I still don't think he'll be in underwear any time soon, but this is great progress.

Huzzah!

I've been dreading potty training for a while. Reading up on all the various techniques it seemed so complicated and like I wouldn't be able to leave the house for months. There are strategies that (supposedly) take 1 month, 1 week, 5 days, 3 days, 1 day, 2 hours. It's ridiculous. I didn't want to spend an entire weekend having Ben run around the house without his pants or diaper, I didn't want to take him out of the house wearing NOTHING under his pants, I didn't want to set a timer and take him to the potty every 20 minutes...

It was seriously stressing me out to think about it, but since Ben started wearing the biggest size diapers they make (before training pants, which are more expensive) a couple months ago I really couldn't avoid it. Finally Heath said why don't we just do it? We don't have to worry about putting him in underwear right away or having him trained within 5 minutes. We can just keep him in diapers and train him slowly.

It was akin to a miracle because for some reason I never thought of that. Well, I know the reason. I'm an Organized Person. I like to have a plan and stick to it. I don't take kindly to deviations from The Plan (I'm sure Heath would say that's an understatement). And so to think about not having a plan and instead just embarking on this journey was oddly liberating. Granted, it's probably not going to make me into a loosey-goosey person, but in this instance not having a plan and just charging ahead was what I needed to do.

So on Wednesday Ben picked a potty chart (out of left field he picked Super Why! and not Thomas), we printed it out and taped it to the bathroom wall and potty training has begun! He earns a sticker for the chart every time he goes to the bathroom in the potty and that's the extent of our plan. I explained to him that if he feels like he needs to pee or poop he should tell us and otherwise I just ask him at random intervals during the day if he needs to go.

Honestly I was expecting it to take a while before anything happened, but we had a victory on the very first day! In the afternoon I was vacuuming and Ben ran up to me and said, "Bathroom!" So we rushed in and he actually peed on the potty! I couldn't believe it. I cheered and yelled and praised him like crazy and he was obviously proud of himself because he grinned from ear to ear.

I'm glad it happened when he initiated it himself. That tells me that he can feel when he has to go. I know this seems bizarre, but it was a very exciting moment. I was seriously pumped afterward and Ben was, too. And it wasn't a fluke. He's peed in the potty twice since then, once when I suggested it and another time when he told me. Doing it this way is probably going to take a while, but I'm okay with that.

Here we go again...

Remember a couple weeks ago when I said Ben started waking up in the middle of the night? Well, we discovered that he had an ear infection. It was mild so hopefully the antibiotics took care of it in one round. We'll go back to the doctor later this week to find out.

However, now he seems to be working on some type of cold, complete with runny nose, which makes it more likely he'll develop another ear infection soon. He's continued waking up in the night (not every night, but enough), with the added bonus of 5:30am wake up calls. Because he doesn't sleep enough at night he'll often take 3+ hour naps, but I'd gladly cut back on naps if it meant he'd sleep from 8:30pm-7am. Even 6:30. I'd accept 6:30am.

And the extra kick in the pants is that it's supposed to be 90 fucking degrees tomorrow. So not only do we have to deal with a sick kid and less sleep, I don't even get to wear jeans and sweaters.