Big Brother Ben

Ben is having a very similar reaction to Sam's arrival as he did to starting preschool. He's very excited, but I can tell he's getting nervous. He's fascinated with the 3D ultrasound picture I got. I put it on the refrigerator where he can reach it and sometimes he takes it down and kisses it. And he keeps talking about wanting to read to the baby. However, the bathroom accidents are starting again and they're worse. The most spectacular one was last Sunday morning. Heath was gone when Ben woke up, so when he couldn't find Daddy he stood at the top railing overlooking our foyer and peed so much that there was a huge puddle on the carpet upstairs and a bunch on the wood floor downstairs, as well. That was an awesome way to start the morning. Almost every day since then has featured at least one accident.

At least with school I could give him a concrete start date. Obviously it's a little different with a baby. I've explained that babies come when they're ready and we don't know exactly when that is. He's at a hard age for this, because he understands that things are going to change and something big is coming, but he still can't really grasp it and deal with it. If he was younger he might just be oblivious and if he was older I might be able to explain it better. *shrug* I think once the baby's here he's going to be fine. It's just the waiting that's driving him (and me) nuts.

"Frodo" was our second choice

I realized that even though we've known for a couple months, I forgot to announce the baby's name on here. Most of you reading already know, but in six weeks or fewer we will welcome Samuel Donald into our family.

It actually has a nice symmetry to it, because Ben's full name is Benjamin Hal. Hal is my father's name and I'm the one who first suggested Benjamin. Donald is Heath's father's name and Heath is the one who first suggested Samuel. So it worked out nicely.

"Ben and Sam" has a nice ring to it. Plus, this way I can call him "Samwise" without actually being a person who names her child after a book character.

Thirty-three weeks

It's been a rough couple weeks in pregnancy land. I went back to my doctor last Wednesday and I was still measuring big. Like, I'm 7.5 months pregnant and I'm as big as 8.5 months pregnant. So I went in for an ultrasound last Friday. The technician said the baby is a "normal size" at 4 lbs. 4 oz. and the reason I'm measuring big is because I have extra amniotic fluid.

Cut to this Wednesday when I saw my doctor again. The extra amniotic fluid isn't a huge worry, but it does mean we have to monitor the baby more closely. She thinks my placenta isn't working optimally, which is why there's extra fluid, so we have to make sure the baby's getting enough oxygen and growing appropriately. Which basically means I'm having weekly visits for the rest of the pregnancy and each week I have to have what's called a "non-stress test." I get to sit in a big comfy chair and they monitor the baby's heart rate and movement for 30 minutes.

Even though my doctor's not very worried about this, there aren't zero risks associated with it. Because my uterus is getting stretched so much, my chances of going into pre-term labor are greater. I also probably won't make it to my due date for the same reason, but as long as we're past 36 weeks I'm fine with that. Since there's more room in there, it'll be easier for the baby to get out of the "head down" position, which you want for delivery, and there's also a greater possibility of him getting tangled in the cord. So I guess those things also increase my risk for c-section.

So far everything's looking fine, though. My doctor said the baby looked great at Wednesday's non-stress test, and his growth and proportions are all normal according to the ultrasound. We'll continue on this course and then in a couple weeks I'll get another ultrasound to make sure he's still growing well.

Looking on the bright side, I never had an ultrasound with Ben past 20 weeks, and at that point fetuses still look sort of like aliens. So it was really neat to see the baby looking a little chubby. I got a couple pictures and you can clearly see the nose, mouth, chin, arm and hands and they look human and cute. It's amazing to think that in seven weeks or fewer he'll be here.

Thirty weeks and counting...

I had a doctor's appointment last week and the pregnancy is going very well. All my tests are coming back saying I'm healthy, which is reassuring. I feel like I'm more nervous about the tests this time around because I know in more detail all the things that can go wrong. I'm also more nervous about labor and delivery. Last time it was a vague, unknown fear. This time I know exactly how painful it will be. It takes a lot more bravery to get pregnant a second time.

My doctor did say I'm measuring a little big for how far along I am. For those not "in the know," at this point in pregnancy they actually use a tiny tape measure on your stomach to see how big you are. At my previous appointment I was measuring spot on, so in three weeks the baby had a growth spurt. If we're still big at my next appointment I'll go in for another ultrasound. This is a little scary to me, because I don't think I ever measured "big" with Ben and he was 8 pounds 11 ounces. How much of a behemoth am I growing this time?! I assume if they determine that the baby's big I might be having him before the projected due date. I'd really rather not have a ton of medical intervention (induction, c-section). I want to see what it's like to go into labor on my own. But I also don't want a 10 pound baby. Whose vagina just tensed up a little? I can't be the only one.

I'm definitely in the third trimester now, meaning I'm starting to get really uncomfortable. Sleeping has been a problem lately and my back is not my friend. Also, the baby has settled into a comfy little position on my bladder, which basically means I feel like I have to pee all the time. Every time I tell someone I'm due around Thanksgiving they say, "Oh, that's soon!" But 2+ months is NOT soon to a pregnant woman. Especially the LAST 2+ months.

I'm also getting to that point where I'm DONE. I still have 10 weeks to go, but I'm completely over being pregnant. Poor Heath, the next 10 weeks aren't going to be fun for him, either, because I'm going to be a grouchy, complaining blob. Then again, he gets the exact same outcome as I do (a new son) without all the physical labor, so I don't feel too bad for him. (And right now he's thinking to himself, "Yeah, I know.")

I'm going to have two sons. Two sons. That just sounds bizarre.

My pregnancy is progressing normally and overall I'm feeling okay. Sometimes. I'm right on the verge of my third trimester, so it's all downhill from here, until the horrible, horrible pain of labor and delivery will actually become preferable to my daily aches, pains and exhaustion. It seems hard to believe, but every pregnant woman I've talked to has reached that point.

My mental state regarding this second child thing is a little more precarious. I'm starting to freak out about having two children. I keep coming back to this thought of, "What have I done?" We're at a point where things with Ben are manageable and routine and we don't need to cart around a bunch of shit to take him places and he can talk well and tell us what he wants... And now we're just going to add in another crying, pooping blob who can't communicate and won't sleep. It's like, hey, we're getting pretty good at juggling these watermelons. Why don't we add in a chainsaw? Who's dumb idea was that?

And the idea of being able to love another child as much as I love Ben... especially another boy... seems unfathomable. I know this baby is a part of our family, because when I look into my future I see more than one child sitting around the dining room table. I want Ben to have a brother. But standing on the precipice of a four-person family and this time KNOWING how much work a newborn is going to be is terrifying.

Brothers

Most of you who read this blog already know, from phone calls and Facebook, but we're having another boy! I will admit to being a little disappointed I don't get to buy cute girls' clothes, but this way we don't have to buy any new clothes and the kids can share a room (which means a sweet Leave-Mommy-Alone room for me, eventually)!

The name discussion has begun, but there are no clear front runners yet. Heath vetoed my favorite name (Finn), but I'm not giving up the fight yet. I'll start whispering it into his ear as he sleeps, so it burrows into his subconscious. Then one day he'll wake up and say those words which he's almost physically incapable of uttering, "Katie, you were right." I'll keep you posted on my progress.

I never imagined I'd be the mother of two boys. I always pictured myself with a daughter. But life throws us curve balls and having Ben has been wonderful, so I know having As-Yet-Unnamed-Boy-2 will be wonderful, as well. And I still haven't ruled out a third child, so you never know. But if Heath's right about that one, too, I'm not sure my sanity will hold.

Pregnancy V. 2.0

Sorry, most of my posts lately have involved bathroom talk. Unfortunately, it's sort of the focus of my life right now. When and where Ben will use the bathroom is pretty much constantly on my mind. When I'm not thinking about that I'm usually sleeping.

Though this second pregnancy is very similar to my first in physical symptoms, the mental and emotional aspects are completely different. Last time I was totally focused on the pregnancy. That was constantly on my mind. With this one I just don't have the time to think about it all that much. I'm almost 19 weeks along, so it's getting harder and harder to "ignore" it. I'm starting to feel the pains of pregnancy such as swollen feet, achy hips and even less pleasant things which I will save for Heath's lucky ears.

The other thing I realized is that with a first pregnancy there are all these milestones: Registering for baby stuff. Going to a childbirth class. Having a baby shower. With a second pregnancy it's like old news. It's just 40 long weeks of waiting. We'll need a couple things for the baby's room, but I think we're either going to borrow them or get them at garage sales. Rather anti-climactic.

However, I've been feeling little pokes and kicks for a few weeks now and they're getting stronger. Even the second time around that's really exciting. It makes me feel much more connected to the baby.

You only have one week left to place your bets on the sex! You're either on Team Heath (boy) or Team Everyone Else (girl). I honestly would be happy with either one, but I do keep having girl thoughts and dreams. Whether that's wishful thinking, influence from everyone else or an actual connection to my child we'll find out on July 1.

It's raining, it's pouring...

It's been raining a lot in St. Louis lately, which means a lot of time spent indoors. With a very active toddler. In a way it's been okay, because the first trimester of pregnancy wipes you out, so I don't think I would've had the energy to run to the playground all the time, anyway. And though the low physical impact of playing trains is good, the low mental impact is DRIVING ME CRAZY. Ben's been watching a wee bit more TV than usual lately. And the rumors of me falling asleep during an episode of Dinosaur Train are greatly exaggerated. (No they're not.)

There's some hope on the horizon, though. I'm nearing the 12 week mark of my pregnancy, which means hopefully sometime in the next few weeks my energy level will start to creep back up and we can dive into summer fun. And only four of the next ten days show rain on weather.com!

In which news is shared

There will soon be one more Borders in the world (on or around November 20)!