Trying times

This moment in Ben's development is what people usually refer to as a "phase." I think they say that to give you hope that your life will one day be good again. The phase we're navigating right now is an aggressive phase. The hitting, kicking, throwing and pushing are ever present. Taking him around other kids is becoming a chore. Even playgroup friends he's known his entire life aren't immune. Some of it isn't malicious. His favorite game is Chase, so if he can't verbally convince someone to play with him he'll push them, trying to start them off running. Eventually that results in pushing them down, and sometimes, tears.

Other times it is malicious and it's so frustrating because there's not all that much I can do. I take him aside, tell him not to hit, make him apologize, give him a time-out... But so far it's not very effective. I guess I'm going to have to start leaving wherever we are, but that sucks because it's punishment for me, too.

I know this mainly stems from lack of impulse control and empathy. Everyone has times when they just want to smack someone else, but they've learned to control that urge and just passive aggressively write about it on Facebook. As one of his parents, it's my job to teach him that skill. But damn it's difficult and tedious. I've probably said, "We don't hit," 5,000 times in the last year and a half and I probably have 10,000 more ahead of me.

When he was first learning to walk I pretty much followed after him everywhere we went, to make sure he didn't crack his head open. It was so nice when he became steady enough that I didn't have to mirror his every move. I could chat with my friends or just sit down for once. Now I feel like I have to revive my shadow role so he quits hitting everyone. Where did my sweet boy go?

Pix or it didn't happen!

Ben had a blast in the sand

The first of hopefully many family portraits on Anna Maria

The water was cold, but he didn't seem to notice

Me as a mermaid

I thought this was a nice action shot

At the Mote Aquarium in Sarasota

Grandpa coaxing Ben into the water

So relaxing...

Florida!

For the past week Heath, Ben and I have been in Florida with Heath's parents. We went to Anna Maria Island, which is on the Gulf side, near Sarasota. Heath went there at least once a year from ages 2-15. I now know why they kept going back. It was wonderful. The weather was absolutely perfect. The island isn't very commercialized and no building is over 6 stories. The beach was white sand with calm waves and though I didn't think it was very crowded at all, they assured me it was about as crowded as it ever gets. We had an awesome time.

Ben loved the beach, as I knew he would. The water was a little cold, so we didn't do much more than play at the shore, but he had a blast with the sand. We never got very far with our sandcastles, because he would storm into them, wreaking havoc. He also loved getting to hang out with Daddy, Grandma and Grandpa for seven days straight. Plus, ice cream every night. So he was pretty much in toddler heaven. As an added bonus, he was great on the plane rides. On the way there he slept the whole time and on the way back he was pretty amused by his iPod and playing with the window shades.

So, it was a good vacation. We'll definitely be going back.

21st Century Kid

Heath has been talking about getting a new iPod for a while, so I took Valentine's Day as an opportunity to buy it for him (coincidentally I also wanted something - The Sims 3 - which is why I haven't been posting very much lately... my sims need me!). His old one still worked perfectly fine, so I'm somewhat conflicted, but... Ben now has his own iPod.

It's not like we went out and bought Ben his own brand new iPod, but it still somehow seems wrong for a two and a half year old to have a personal computing device. I know I'll be running up against this problem for Ben's entire childhood. We'll have to make that decision on when he gets his own cell phone, which again seems ridiculous to me since I didn't have one until I was in college and even then I barely used it. I suppose I'm sounding like a parent. You kids today have it so great... In my day we didn't have cell phones and iPods. If we wanted to call someone we had to find a pay phone. What's a pay phone? Oh, go play Angry Birds some more.

And get off my lawn!

A rose by any other name

Lately I've been working on all our names with Ben. He has his own down, so if I ask him what his name is he says, "Ben Borders." He says my first name if I ask, though he doesn't always remember my last name. He can't remember Heath's name, though. So when I asked him this morning what Daddy's name was, Ben replied, "Ben Borders' Daddy."

The Easy Button

Last Wednesday we took apart Ben's crib.

We replaced it with a twin mattress on the floor.

He was excited through the entire process. He was jumping all over the place, on and off the mattress.

I'm not usually the type who's all, "My baby's growing up" *sniff sniff* but I was getting sad as we took apart the crib. He really is growing up. Look at that picture up there. He almost fills up the entire crib mattress.

It seems like these transitions are often much harder on me than on Ben because his first night in the big boy bed was perfect. It was like any other night. And it's been that way ever since. Naps, bedtimes, it's like nothing has changed. Plus, we have the added bonus that sometimes when he wakes up he'll play for a little while before calling to us. Extra sleep, FTW!

So much of parenting can be a fight or a hassle, it's wonderful when something is just easy.

Future mountain climber?

Most of Ben's playgroup friends sleep in toddler beds or mattresses on the floor. Of those over 2, Ben is the lone hold out still in his crib. We figured, why mess with a good thing? Having him in a crib is much easier than having him in a bed and he's never shown any interest in or inclination to climb out of his crib.

Until Monday.

He was very opposed to a nap Monday afternoon because he'd fallen asleep in the car for all of 15 minutes. I was on my computer, listening to him yell about not wanting to nap, when all of a sudden I heard a THUMP and a scream. By the time I got to his room he was standing at the door crying, so I have no idea how he landed, but he was fine, aside from biting his tongue.

Our friends' son Colin climbed out of his crib exactly once. Apparently he fell like Ben and it scared him, so he never attempted it again. I was hoping Ben would be the same way, because he's a strange combination of daredevil and cautious. But the daredevil side won out. Yesterday morning he greeted Heath at his bedroom door. Heath asked Ben to demonstrate how he climbed out and according to Heath, "He was like a ninja."

So, it's time for a big boy bed, which will take the form of a twin mattress on the floor for now. I'm planning to take Ben to Target to pick out some sheets this afternoon, so hopefully it'll feel like an adventure. I'm worried about how he's going to sleep (and thus how we will sleep)... But in the past when we've had big transitions like this (giving up the bottle, taking the pacifier away during the day) he's barely registered them, so I'm hoping this is the same way. I'll keep you posted!

Don't worry, we didn't!

Last Wednesday our friends Anne and Michael welcomed their son Felix into the world. On Saturday we brought them lunch in exchange for getting to hold their baby. Ben has calmed down a lot when I hold babies. He doesn't seem to mind too much, but he's still not crazy about Heath holding other kids. So when Heath was holding Felix Ben kept saying, "Give Felix to Mommy." Well, that wasn't working so eventually he tried a different tactic and said, "Put Felix in the microwave."

Fashionista he's not

Ben has never been interested in his clothes. I offer him choices of what to wear and rarely will he look up from his toys to even look. He just doesn't care. And that includes putting them on and taking them off. Most of his friends like to strip off their clothes and diapers. I wasn't broken up about him not removing his diaper, but the fact that he never wanted to take his clothes off was beginning to worry me a bit. It's like part of the mother contract that you have to pick something stupid to worry about every quarter. They probably make you sign something at the hospital when you're totally out of it after giving birth.

I was beginning to think that he'd never learn to dress and un-dress himself and 30 years from now I'd have to drive to his house every morning and help him put on his pants. Well, I may be saved from that fate. Wednesday morning Ben did something sufficiently bad to warrant time in the corner (he probably hit me, since that's mostly what we put him in time-out for). I was in the kitchen, out of sight, and when I re-entered the hallway to retrieve him he had his pajamas halfway off. No wonder he was so quiet. Normally he yells and cries through his time-outs. I have no idea what inspired him to use that moment to disrobe, but at least now I know he can.

The pronoun game

Ben's speech is becoming more sophisticated all the time. He's speaking in sentences now and even gets a lot of diction and grammar correct. However, we're stuck in Pronoun Limbo. He says the following things a lot:

"Pick you up" (pick me up)
"Take your shoes off" (take my shoes off)
etc.

It makes sense, since I say those things to him but don't often say them about myself. When a kid is first learning to talk, books encourage you to refer to yourself in the third person, so he knows who you are. Well, Ben has "Mommy" and "Daddy" down pat, so now I'm having to get back into the habit of saying "me," "I," and "my" instead of "Mommy's."

These things come so naturally to us as adults, it's easy to forget that we've had decades of practice. This seems ridiculously obvious to type, but language is incredibly complicated and it's interesting to watch someone learn it from scratch.