Welcome to Avery Kindergarten!

Ben started kindergarten almost two weeks ago and so far it's been amazing. I assumed he'd enjoy it, especially once we found out his best friend and another friend from the neighborhood were in his class. I also assumed the transition would be a little bumpy. He's never done a full-day program before, so I was expecting him to be a tired, grumpy mess when he got home from school. However, I've been very pleasantly surprised. Completely unexpectedly, his attitude actually seems to have gotten better. Over the summer there was lots of fighting with Sam and whining and throwing tantrums (yes, even 5 year olds have tantrums now and again), but now that he's in school he's playing nicer with his brother and being fairly cooperative. Nobody's perfect, so of course he still has Moments, but overall he's been very pleasant.

It was a bit baffling to me at first, but when I started thinking about it I realized that he probably just wasn't getting enough extrovert time. Over the summer we were subject to Sam's naps, which meant he spent most afternoons with only me. And by the afternoon I was jonesin' for some introvert time, so more often than not he spent afternoons playing video games by himself. Going to school and being surrounded by classmates for seven hours a day must be like a breath of fresh air for him.

The idea that being in school restores him is ALSO baffling to me, but I'm so glad for it because it allows me to restore, as well. And I think that's the other piece of the puzzle. While Ben gets his extrovert tank filled at school, I get my introvert tank filled at home while Sam naps. So when we finally come back together at 3pm we're both feeling happier and more content, which obviously leads to a more peaceful co-existence. It's lovely.

Another lovely side effect of kindergarten is that it seems to have... opened up his brain. Since about age 4 he's been pretty resistant to us teaching him anything, like reading, math, etc. But now he doesn't seem as annoyed when Heath asks him math questions or I ask him to read something. And the other morning over breakfast he and I had a GREAT conversation. It started with him asking about ice ages and over about 10 minutes it morphed into talking about climate change, the origins of humans, evolution and why people have different skin colors. It was the best conversation we've ever had and it was truly a give and take. It wasn't just me lecturing him. It was amazing and three weeks ago I never would've imagined it.

So Ben is definitely flourishing in school and it's hard for me to express in words how wonderful it is to watch. It fills my heart to see him maturing and growing into the person he will be. It's absolutely amazing.

Master P(ee)

Sometimes you just get a feeling about your child. I had a feeling Sam was going to be harder to potty train than Ben. I'm not completely sure why, but something about Sam's personality was telling me that keeping his underwear dry and clean wouldn't be at the top of his daily agenda.

However, as we approached our three-day potty training boot camp I gave myself pep talks and by Day 1 I was feeling very confident. It worked extremely well with Ben. I had no real reason to expect less from Sam.

On Day 1 Sam had 44 accidents. Part of the reason is because with this method you give them A LOT of liquids, so they have plenty of opportunities to feel their bladder be full. You want them to recognize that feeling and know that means "get to the bathroom."

On Day 2 he had 15 accidents, which was major progress! And he pooped in the potty that morning! Ben didn't poop until the very end of Day 3, but Sam's such a prolific pooper I was hoping he'd learn faster, and he did! We were so excited and proud. He even got up during the night and asked to use the potty! It was working!

On Day 3 he had 9 accidents. More progress! And all of his "accidents" at this point were merely getting his underwear a little wet, rather than peeing outright all over the floor. Plus, the only night he wet his bed was the first night. I was so delightfully surprised he was keeping his bed dry.

Oh, did I mention that Ben was out of town for all of this? So Heath and I could give our full attention to Sam, and he wouldn't be distracted.

Again, I had a feeling that things wouldn't go so smoothly once Ben was on the scene. *Sigh*

Unfortunately for my sanity this time around, Ben was really easy to potty train. After those initial three days, Ben was great. He had completely dry days that first week. He only pooped in his underwear a couple times and to this day I could count on one hand the number of times he's wet the bed. But he also didn't have an older brother distracting him.

It's now been seven days and Sam hasn't had one dry day. We've gone through 4-6 pairs of underwear and shorts a day, which has led to the new rule that if Sam's in the house he's not wearing shorts. And, very unfortunately, he only has about a 50-50 track record for getting poop into the potty.

I'm very proud of Sam because this is a huge change in his life and obviously he has made a lot of progress since the beginning. But it's still exhausting and disgusting and hard. Using this method you go cold turkey with diapers and never look back, so we must soldier onward. I just wish my feelings hadn't been right this time.

Alone time with Sam

This week Ben's in YMCA day camp. It's Art 101, but they also do a lot of traditional camp activities, like swimming, singing and games. He's gone to day camp before, but this year he's going all day, from 8:30am-3:30pm, roughly school hours come August. I think this is the longest amount of time Sam and I have spent together, alone, ever. And I have to say, it's been a delight.

For months now our lives have revolved around the Terrible Twos. Sam has been very whiny and tantrum-y and all listening skills seem to have gone out the window. Unfortunately, Ben's also realized the power he holds over Sam. Sometimes he uses that power for good, encouraging Sam to finish his meals or brush his teeth. But more and more lately he's been drifting to the evil side, merely "suggesting" Sam throw his food or spit at someone. It's been incredibly frustrating and I've found myself yelling more and more, but feeling like I've been accomplishing less and less.

At the beginning of summer I always have these rose-colored glasses, tricking myself into believing we're going to have a fun, sun-soaked summer lounging at the pool and flitting from playground, to outdoor concert, to food truck event. And it never quite works out that way. So even though we'd only had two weeks of summer, I was very ready for Ben to be in camp this week. I needed my quiet afternoons back.

Getting to spend time with Sam alone has been a benefit of camp. He's been so much more pleasant and I think it's because I can actually give him some focused attention. He's never really had that. We can do activities on a two year old level, instead of me having to find something that will entertain a two year old AND a five year old. I get to listen to what he says without someone else talking over my shoulder. He gets to choose all the games and the TV shows and activities, which is completely novel to him. It's been a good week, and I'm looking forward to Ben's next week of camp, in July.

That being said, all day every day Sam's been asking about when we're going to pick up Ben. He's never really known life without Ben for long stretches. The transition to kindergarten might be hard on him, too.

Summer Project

About a month ago, with summer approaching, I started thinking about what we could do everyday. Not just activities all three (or four) of us would enjoy, but something Ben and I could do during Sam's naps. He still naps 2+ hours most days. That's when Ben was at school, so I knew my quiet, alone time was turning into Ben time. He's not exactly a play-quietly-by-himself kind of kid. So rather than caving everyday and letting him play an hour or more of video games, I decided we should do something constructive. A summer project.

So I started looking around online, not entirely sure WHAT I was looking for. A big art project? A summer-long science experiment? Maybe we could make a movie - write the script, gather props, film it. But, honestly, I wasn't that enthusiastic about anything I was thinking of or finding. I'm not a crafty person and neither is Ben. A science experiment could be neat, but I wasn't sure I'd have the energy to keep up with it. Making a movie sounds cool, but is probably a better summer project for when the boys are older.

Thus, summer started and I had no concrete plan for Ben's and my afternoons aside from "play board games." Which we both love, but we only have a limited number of games he's ready to play and even the fun ones would get boring after a while. But then fate stepped in, in the form of Heath's old Roald Dahl and Judy Blume books. Ben has been ravenous to read them, so every afternoon we spend an hour or more reading together. It's so fun! I signed him up for the library summer reading program and we are well on our way to earning him prizes.

I love reading, but I think of it as mostly a solo activity, so I guess that's why I never thought of spending our lazy afternoons with books. But it's become a great way for Ben and me to connect without having to talk endlessly about Super Mario Brothers. And it's so much more fun than doing stupid summer crafts.

Kindergarten Jitters

This is Ben's last week of preschool. Ever. In three short months he'll be a full-fledged kindergartener. The school district does a really good job of preparing the kids AND the parents for the transition to kindergarten, with lots of information sessions, chances to ask questions, tours of the school, etc. So far Ben has been nothing but excited, expressing no concerns or nervousness. When I inquired if he'd asked his friend in kindergarten any questions about it he said, "No, I want to find out what it's like for myself."

I, on the other hand, must be more nervous than even I realized because I've started having stress dreams about it. In them we're always late for school or Ben doesn't have anything he needs or we don't know where to go. This is a very typical reaction for me during times of change, stressing out about something MONTHS before it happens.

I shouldn't be surprised. Ben and I have a long history of him being perfectly calm about changes in his life and me freaking out for no good reason. But this time it did surprise me. I thought I was (somewhat) past getting THIS worked up about a change in HIS life. After all, it's not like he's 1 year old and I'm taking his bottle away. He's going to be 6, starting school, and really beginning the time when his life is his story to tell, not mine. I suppose that's the obvious root of the anxiety.

As if he sensed my uneasiness in the air, on Monday I found Sam ripping apart the "All About Me" poster Ben had made in preschool last year. Of course, he's two and he was just having fun ripping some paper, but only having woken up from a kindergarten stress dream an hour earlier, it seemed so heart-wrenchingly significant to me. Babyhood, toddlerhood and now even preschool are all behind us. Ahead are great things and I cannot wait to see how Ben flourishes in school, because I know he will. But at this moment it just feels like I'm losing my baby.

Happiness is...

...hearing Ben say, "Sam, I'm going to miss you while I'm at school!" after signing him up for kindergarten.

Growing up

Ben is growing up. Kindergarten registration starts next week. On one hand I'm very ready for him to go to school. As I've mentioned before, Ben and I are very different, and I think more time away will help us appreciate each other more. And Ben is totally ready, too. He loves school and he's so excited. I think he needs more social interaction than I'm providing, so school is going to be perfect for that.

On the other hand... it's that "my baby's going to kindergarten" thing. He won't actually start until August, but signing him up is the first step in putting him on that conveyor belt that will eventually take him away from me. It makes my heart hurt a little.

He's been maturing. Sometimes we can have actually interesting conversations. Most of our conversations are about Super Mario Brothers, which he finds endlessly fascinating and me not so much, but occasionally he'll ask what things mean or how things work and when I explain he actually GETS IT. That's fun.

He can also be a big help with Sam. At dinner last Sunday Sam didn't want to eat any more of his hot dog. Heath and I both tried to no avail. So Ben grabbed the fork, pretended it was a train and got Sam to eat!

And now that we've entered a tantrum-y phase with Sam, Ben seems to have sensed that I can't handle two kids who are acting up. So he's been more obedient and helpful lately, which is AWESOME. Especially because he's getting big enough to do actual helpful things. He can get a snack for himself and Sam, he can pour milk, he can wash his own hands, dress himself, brush his own teeth. It's really neat to watch him become more independent, and to see his pride when he accomplishes something all by himself. He's been practicing tying his shoes and though he's not quite there yet, he's been getting better and it makes me proud to see him keeping at it, even when it's frustrating.

School age is the time I've been looking forward to since Ben was born. They're independent and can handle most self care on their own, but they're not so old that they don't want to hang out with you. I'm sure there will still be hurdles and plenty of frustrations, but I'm hoping it's going to be more fun and enjoyable than the baby/toddler stage.

Dinner... the final frontier...

I would never claim that Ben is a hugely picky eater, because I know some of those kids, but he's pretty bad. However, I make what I want for dinner and he has to deal with it. So Thursday night I made chicken tikka masala, never believing in my wildest dreams that Ben would eat it. I even kept some plain chicken out of the sauce for him. We always make him at least try what we're eating, but I never thought we'd get past that first bite. The first clue that something weird was happening was that he tried the chicken in the sauce without complaining. And he didn't make faces or say, "Blech!" He ate the bite and then I - to me, jokingly - asked if he wanted more. He said yes... AND THEN HE ATE IT. Without complaining. He said he liked it. He even ate some of his rice, which he NEVER eats. We didn't even USE the plain chicken, because as soon as Sam saw Ben eating the chicken in the sauce, HE ate it, too! Both of my children ate Indian food. It is truly a day for the record books.

From the above paragraph you can probably imagine what our dinners are normally like. Unless I serve spaghetti or pizza it's basically Heath and me trying to hold a decent conversation in between exclamations of horror at what's being served, whining, gross out noises and Heath saying, "You need to eat 5 more bites." It's so exhausting. Dinner is usually quite unpleasant for me. So to have a dinner go that smoothly is such a breath of fresh air. I want to remember it and hope. Maybe I can get him to eat stir fry!

Words!

Since Sam turned two, almost two months ago, his speaking has exploded. What's interesting to me is that even though he started speaking much later than Ben (who started at 14 months), he's picked up words and sentences at a much faster rate. With Ben it was a new word every week or every few days. With Sam we started out at "blue ball" and now we're getting phrases and short sentences out of him. Keeping track of how many words he's saying isn't even an option, as with Ben, because everyday he's saying so many new things. It's not like we're having intellectually stimulating conversations yet, but after waiting two years for him to speak, having him tell me he wants, "More milk" is awesome.

However, we are venturing into the terrible twos with him. It's one of those things that honestly made me pause for a second while considering having a second child. Do I really want to do that AGAIN? Well, it's here and we're doing it. Monday afternoon Sam woke up from his nap in a HORRIBLE mood. Everything made him mad. We were out of milk, so he had to drink water. Tantrum. I put that water in a straw cup instead of a sippy cup. Tantrum. I showed him the sippy cup I was going to use, and he agreed, but then I poured the water from the straw cup into the sippy cup. Tantrum. Unfortunately, we really needed to go to the grocery store, because we weren't just out of milk. I was hoping the car ride would calm Sam down. It did, but when I suggested he ride in the car cart, instead of pushing one of the small carts they have for children (curse you, Schnucks!), he flipped the fuck out. Total melt down. I could not calm him down, so we had to leave. We did not get his precious milk or anything else. Then when we got home he went right to the fridge asking for milk. Tantrum.

It was frustrating, to say the least. For some reason this week a switch was flipped in his brain and suddenly he wants to do everything himself, which is good and a very toddler thing. But of course it leads to even more frustration on both our parts when he just CAN'T do something, either because of lack of skill, or danger. It's just one of those things we have to get through and he'll emerge from it a more competent human, but I'll probably have a couple more grey hairs.

We had a lovely Christmas

Sam loves Ben's backpack, so I-er-Santa thought he should have his own.

From Arianne. She knows me so well.

Also from Arianne. A book is always a good guess with her.

                                             

From Uncle Nick and Aunt Melissa.

Heath, with one of several presents he bought himself.

Ben with the new Mario game. We didn't get a picture of him opening the new video game system to go with it. Heath took a video and it's the most anti-climactic Big Present video ever. He figured it out before he even opened it!

Avery's not looking, but Sam is so cute!