Wednesday, September 3, 2014

The Curse of the Second Child

Sam starts preschool tomorrow. He's going two days a week from 9am-noon and he's SO EXCITED. For months every time we passed the church where it's held he'd yell out, "There's my school!"

He was supposed to start last Monday, but the air conditioner broke and wasn't fixed until late in the week. Unfortunately, by the time we found out we'd already started excitedly telling him, "You start school tomorrow!" He was pretty disappointed.

I'm having trouble with this, but not for the usual reasons. With Ben I worried and fretted for months before he started preschool. On his first day I bawled (though, in fairness I was 7 months pregnant). It was the same with Kindergarten, though in a more toned down way. But with Sam I have none of that. I was a little nervous last Sunday, before we found out school was cancelled, but nothing like with Ben. And I'm while not 100% certain, I'm pretty sure I won't shed any tears tomorrow when I drop him off. And I hate that.

I don't want to not be moved by milestones in Sam's life simply because Ben did it first. It seems so unfair to Sam. I suppose in the grand scheme of things it doesn't really matter, because I didn't fret in front of Ben and I didn't let him see me cry on those first days, so to them it's all the same. But it's not to me. I'm no less proud of Sam when he accomplishes things, but I have to admit, sometimes it is a little less exciting. It's his first time, but it's not mine as a mother.

Right now Sam emulates everything Ben does, but once he's tired of being in Ben's shadow I have a feeling he's going to be a pretty different kid. So I will have those moments that are true firsts with Sam. I just don't want him to feel like he got the short end of the stick, and I certainly don't want him to feel like Ben's the favorite.

*sigh* This parenting thing is HARD.

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